Psycholist's Death Mourned by 1,000 Fools

Someone has to say this.

Yesterday, approximately 1,000 cyclists disrupted Toronto city streets, ostensibly to mourn the death of a guy killed while attacking the car of Ontario's former Attorney General after a minor fender-bender.

But what was their message? What were these fools really doing? While a handful may have been truly mourning, the rest were displaying a mixture of dysfunction: blind allegiance to a nutty, geeky cyclist sub-culture that thinks cyclists are never guilty of infractions and that some evil car culture persecutes them; thumbing of the noses of the mundane and mediocre at the fallen mighty because all public figures deserve ridicule when their humanity is exposed; or, at its worst, this was a display of lawless, ignorant rage similar to the same rage that ultimately became that man's undoing.

The fools demonstrated publicly, crying "murder" despite published eyewitness accounts that clearly indicate this was no ordinary case of evil car dragging innocent cyclist. They rode in support of a fucked-up criminal, wanted on 64 outstanding charges in Alberta, who was drunk and removed by police from a property less than an hour earlier, with his own friends saying he was too drunk to drive. If he had gotten in a car at that point and killed a child, we would be publicly vilifying him. But because he rode a bicycle (which he reportedly threw at the car he attacked) he is a victim? That is indescribably fucked up.

I have true sympathy for the life of the man killed. According to media reports, he had to deal with a lot of unfortunate shit while he was alive. So have I. So have a lot of people I know. What drove him to to pay the ultimate price we can't change and the question of placing blame on others is for the courts to decide. We can only soberly think about that tragic example next time we want to punch someone in their car, on their bike, on the TTC or....anywhere.

But one thing is clear: This protest wasn't about cars versus bikes or the rich versus the downtrodden. This is about the glorification of crime, akin to gangbangers becoming legends in their hood once they are gunned down.

And even when the courts decide who really is at fault, and Bryant is exonerated to the sour milk cries of preferential treatment for the rich and powerful, the fools will learn nothing. Because they are fools.

Hellllo Strangers...

I know it's been a while. Thought you'd never hear from me again? Well, certain recent events have forced me to consider coming out of retirement.

Stay tuned for some gaseous vitriol- it's building up and desperately needs to be expunged ... very soon.

Kisses, K

The Nipple On Our Souls

If North American society is sexually schizoid, the US is a whiskey-throated blonde cheerleader dolled up in slutty make-up, who faints at the slighest prospect of intimacy. Witness the current debacle facebook has created by banning pix that breastfeeding advocates have posted on their pages. Facebook recently deleted the account of a Canadian woman who posted pix that apparently violated their standards. Feministas and boob supporters alike are understandably pissed. Although, groups like La Leche League are still up and have pix on their pages showing acceptable depictions of breastfeeding. Of course, "acceptable" in this case means NO NIPPLE.

What the hell is wrong with this society, when barely pubescent girls can writhe in fucking g-strings and oil while firing submachine guns on TV, yet the sudden flash of a single goddamn nipple at a violent sports match can summon on the four horses of the apocalypse? Moreover, what is wrong when natural women feed their children naturally with the natural NIPPLES that they were naturally born with and repressed nutbars can punish and chastise them for being inappropriate and dirty? That is the true sexual perversion in our society and tears us even further away from our HUMAN roots.

Now don't get me wrong. I know that when you open a facebook account, you sign on to certain terms, including not posting pix containing nudity. There is a very good reason for this, as anyone who knows anything about the naivete of children and the slyness of pedophiles will understand. But holy fucking jesus christ North America: Get over your insane NIPPLE fear!!!

If you don't the terrorists will have won.

Pope Called It First

Today, the Pope, in a brilliant display of pomposity and ignorance -- virtues held sacrosanct by the Vatican-- proclaimed the Catholic church the only true church, or as the Toronto Star put it "reasserted the universal primacy of the Roman Catholic Church".

On the heels of the news, several other groups around the world scrambled to proclaim themselves leaders of their domain: The Falun Gong have claimed the title "Slowest Moving Human Targets"; the Hare Krishnas are now recognized as the Smoothest, Orangest Mental Patients in the Great Milky Way; the Jehovah's Witnesses have snagged the "Most Depressed, Flattest-Nosed Cult" mantle; and the U.S. Republican Party has become "the Only True Purveyors of the Wisdom and Teachings of Adam Smith, Jesus Falwell and Jed Clampett".

In yet another related story, K-Dough of K-Dough's Canada has proclaimed himself the Sexiest, Most Excellent Omnipotent Ruler of Blogolia and All Outlying New Mediums and Vaginas.

Eat that, Pope Whatevvvvver.

Jesus of Oshawa

A new documentary is asserting things about the life of Jesus that I have always suspected (READ). Bottom line is that J was basically a long haired dude with no job, who knocked up a hooker. Now if they could only prove that he smoked weed and listened to Zeppelin (we already know he loved Nazareth), my theory that his direct decendants are alive and well in Oshawa would be well-supported. Imagine what that would do to theological studies! Like, whoah, dude.

CFNY the Edge Airs Anti-Abortion Ads

So, last night, I was listening to CFNY FM 102.1 The Edge - a Toronto radio station- and in the middle of all the so-called "cool alternative kids music" I hear a 15 second anti-abortion ad spot from a group called Niagara Region Right To Life*. It went something like this:

When they say that abortion is a matter between a woman and her doctor, aren’t they forgetting someone? I did….abortion harms more than just the baby.

The Edge has always billed themselves as being the voice of cool- the hip, new, left-of-centre rad Indie supporting station with integrity. What this confirms to me is The Edge is nothing more than a blunt fuckin' grapefruit spoon.

To anyone out there in an advertising or marketing position with a company that advertises on the Edge: You should reconsider giving them your business. The Edge is not what you think it is. They are allowing people to broadcast messages that blatantly disrespect a woman's right to have control over her own body. Plain and simple. A woman's right to choose is inalienable- it's her body, not that of some right wing, religious zealot Niagara nutcase.

Boycott the Edge! Others have been successful at having the same ads pulled in Hamilton- check THIS out. Contact the Edge via their contacts page HERE and complain!

*Checked them out. They do not have a web site, but THESE nutters seem to be behind the campaign to get the ads back on the air in Hamilton. Stop them by contacting Y108 HERE and letting them know what you think!

Update: Both Y108 and the Edge are owned by Corus Entertainment. I'm sure they'd love to hear from you as well! Contact them HERE.

In Defense of Kinsella

This week a few knee-jerks are calling Warren Kinsella a mysogynist sexist pig. Why? for writing this simple sentence, prefacing a top ten blogger list:
Oh, and memo to Canada: WE NEED MORE SMART FEMALE BLOGGERS NOW!
(Click HERE to read the post- click on "Top Ten", then "Bloggers")

So what? Maybe he thinks most of the female political bloggers he's read suck - and not in the good way. Whatever he thinks - because it was an off-the-cuff comment, not a hateful treatise- it's his opinion. I happen to think most political bloggers in general suck the hind teat. Does that make me anti-free speech?

You detractors should really get lives. If Kinsella took a dump and it looked like Bin Laden, jealous bloggers would be calling him a terrorist. Get a grip monkey people. This lobbing your own shit at the bars of your cages is getting reallllllly old.

The guy is well-known for whatever reason. Get over it.

Is the CBC Anti-Palestinian?

Have you checked out any of the nonsense going on in Toronto surrounding a failed motion before the local branch of the Ontario Secondary School Teachers' Federation? A Jewish teacher named Jason Kunin "who has often criticized the Israeli government"* drafted a motion that would have condemned Israel's treatment of Palestinians and called for classroom materials to be developed to support such a condemnation. Basically, it was a promo gimmick to air his views and attract attention using the union as a mouth piece. Whatever. Vote it down (which membership overwhelmingly did) and move on, right?

What pisses me off is that any time someone criticizes Israel they are immediately labelled anti-Israel or anti-Semitic even. Lighten the fuck up you PC knee-jerk-offs. The CBC's headline speaks volumes about the bias in our society: Anti-Israel motion defeated by Ontario teachers union local. Radio station CFRA posted this headline on their web site: Union Rejects 'Anti Israel' Motion, and the Canadian Press wrote this: Teacher's anti-Israel resolution angers many.

I haven't actually read the entire motion, but from what the CBC itself reported there was no overt anti-Israelism or hateful view being expressed. Even the union head said it was legitimate subject for debate.

You know, it is possible to oppose policy without being hateful. This is dangerous. It's the same bullshit American "support the war or you're not supporting the troops" crap that is constantly thrown around south of the border. Aren't we a little more intelligent than that?

You can check out details of Kunin's view's HERE.

*Source: CBC.ca

Quebeckers Love Doze Raceests

Amidst the current hooplah about whether or not Quebec contains a racist province within a province, I thought I'd ask my buddy Pierre Tremblay to comment on the controversy. Here is a transcript of a phone conversation I had with him last night, although sections are inaudible because he was yelling into his cell phone from the DJ booth at Club SuperPussy in Kirkland Lake.

Tremblay: Allo? Allo? Oo ees it? (blaring music breaking up in background faintly discernible as Helix's Rock You)
K-D: Hey dude. Sorry to bother you at work, but did ya hear about that insane Dumont guy today and the Leger poll?
Tremblay: Pole? Huh? You dat guy ooze gonna come replace dat pole dat biker dented hier soir?
K-D: Dude, (yelling) it's K-Dough!
Tremblay: Ahhhhh, mon ami! Ows eet 'anging you batard?
K-D: I'm good. I just want to know if you think most Quebeckers are racists. It's for a piece I'm doing for the blog.
Tremblay: Huh? You gonna call me frog you batard?
K-D: No, I said blog. Look, never mind. Do you think most Quebeckers are racists?
Tremblay: Ah oui, merde. Mais of course hus Quebekers har raceest. Tabernacle mod zeet. Look at 'ow much we loves Jacques!
K-D: What are you talking about? Parizeau? I don't think that's a very good...
Tremblay: Parizeau? Non, non, non. Your henglish eez not very good I thinks. Jacques Villeneuve you batard stupide!
K-D: Dude! Did you just say you think Jacques Villeneuve is a racist?
Tremblay: Huh? Don't you watch da sports? You know, Patrick Carpentier, Bertrand Godin, Mario Gosselin. You know, we loves doze Quebecois raceests, you hunderstand?
K-D: Ahhhh, gotcha. Ok then, I'll let you..
Tremblay: Huh? (garbled yelling away from the receiver) ... I tell you, you gots dead hair on your mix tape. Huh?! Get up dere, I put some Whitesnakes on. K-Dough, you dere? Mod zeet tabernacle...
K-D: Thanks for your, uh, help dude. I'll talk to you later.
Tremblay: Huh? (Yelling, away from receiver into microphone) Helene Bouchard to da booth toute de suite! Ladies hand gentlemans, put your 'ands together for da very super sexy....
(Dial tone...)

*Hat tip to ChuckerCanuck for graciously allowing me to rap in the East Coast style.

Poverty is a Women's Issue?

I was impressed with some of the commentary to my admittedly button-pushing, provocative post yesterday. However, since it went unanswered, I would love to hear your thoughts on the following comment I left yesterday for Berlyn, a very agressive "vagina warrior", who alleges there is currently a "war on women" being conducted by some unspecified force in some unmentioned country:

You said "poverty is a women's issue". That is complete propagandist bullshit. That is the logical equivalent to saying if all adult men are sexist pigs that's women's fault because they are the mothers that raised those boys.

Well, what do you think? Do women own the poverty issue? What about kids? What about other poor people who happen to be men?

Feminists should be held accountable, just like any Tory, Dipper, Liberal or Libertarian who spews blathering ideologically-driven propaganda. I'm not trying to be facetious here. I really don't understand what Berlyn meant.

Feminidiots Beware

In the spirit of equality, I have to say there are some serious wing-nut women's advocates blogging out there. Some of them have been attacking every mother's favourite cherubic Liberal Jason Cherniak over comments he made postulating that people could effectively eke out an existence living on current minimum wage levels. Somehow, that was taken to mean all women should be subservient idiots who should live in poverty so they can be dominated by evil, hairy, kitten-raping men.

I'm not naming people, but I have news for those of you who are frothing feminidiots: My bet is that Cherniak is poised to ascend into the staffing roster of some powerful government in Canada this year. If not this year, very soon. From that vantage point, he will be in a position to influence public policy to either help or hinder both genders equally. I'd think you'd be courting him, educating him or at least conducting intelligent critical debate with him. Hell, you might even find that you have more in common than you thought (i.e. slavish obedience to ideology).

Not to mention, it might help if you put some of that raw zeal into lobbying/blaming female cabinet ministers regarding your concerns (some of whom actually have the power to immediately increase funding for single mothers and poor children). But nooooooo. Obviously, the hegemony of racist, white sexist pig bloggers is a much better channel through which to effect social change? Get real.

To all non-reactionary feminists I say: Stiffle the idiots in your ranks or distance yourself from them before they destroy your credibility and sabotage your message like certain jackass Libloggers, Blogging Dippers and Neo-Kons have done for their peers. Otherwise, you will be consigned to spend eternity lobbing cheap shots over the bows of other bore ships full of ideologues that the common people don't pay any attention to whatsoever.

And if you want to be taken seriously by the old boys blogger club (Cherniak is 27) at least have the sense to deploy logical and/or plausible arguments. As far as I've seen, Polly Jones over at Marginal Notes is the only feminist blogger involved who seems capable of doing that.

That said, and to disclaim for all to see that I am not biased toward female bloggers, I find the level of debate on MOST political blogs to be tendentious, sophmoronic and cultishly partisan. Not to mention that a couple of my close, personal friends are strong, intelligent, feminist bloggers. (Well, truth be told, they are trophy friends. I really only hang around with them because my gay friends like to flirt with them and my black friends want to bang them.)

Ok, I'm off to start my own Maleist organization. Oops, we already have the Grits and Tories.

The Chinese Problem

An article in the Globe yesterday highlighted an apparent growing trend amongst out-of-luck Chinese immigrants in Toronto who are sending their babies back to mainland China because they can not afford child care. Advocates confusingly have blamed these cases of familial separation on Immigration Canada. The logic is twisted: Immigration Canada promotes this country as the best place on earth to live, and because these immigrants can't find well-paying jobs and are forced to work minimum wage jobs to get by, the state is somehow responsible.

Immigrants are people. People are commodities in the job market. It's a free world based on speculation and if you don't have what the market wants you're not going to make money. Of course, there are language and credential barriers between pretty much every two countries in the world. But why would anyone think Canada would be any different? The days of the Gold Mountain are long gone.

Some critics point to a recent steep decline in immigration applications from China as evidence that these returned babies are stopping other Chinese from wanting to come here. But has anyone thought about the possibility that the promise of a nascent free market economy in China itself could be responsible for luring Chinese into staying at home and toughing it out in the wild, wild East? Naw, couldn't be anything that macro.

Of course, no one wants to point out either that these parents could just as easily choose to return WITH their kids to China and that there may be issues of personal responsibility and accountability involved here. No, of course not. We can just chalk the trend up to the enigmatic cultural character of those mysterious Chinese, while Chinese community advocates manipulate the pathos for all its worth.

And let's face it: Doesn't it make cold, hard economic sense to birth a child in Canada so that child instantly becomes a Canadian citizen, then send him/her away for a much cheaper upbringing in another country where trusted relatives will maximize the money you send home to care for that child? I don't want to sound too cynical, but this sounds a lot like the sojourners of old who constituted the Chinese diaspora in the late 1800s. Those men worked horribly difficult labourers jobs here only to remit most of what they earned to their family or village association back in China. The immigrants of today are more educated than the coolies were, but nevertheless make similar economic choices for the sake of family above their own emotional needs.

In another way, this resembles the wave of affluent Hong Kong immigrants in the late 1980s and early 90s who bought real estate, returned to HK and conversely left their children behind in Canada to maintain immigration status before the takeover of HK by China in 1997 - just in case things went bad.

Look, I am not without sympathy for any mother or child who are separated. I'm a father and could not imagine ever doing such a thing for any reason. But saying this is happening because of unfair conditions in the host country, or simply because Chinese immigrants are more desperate than any other visible minority immigrant group is ridiculous. Doing so only perpetuates negative stereotypes of powerlessness and otherness that I would hope most Chinese would be seeking to rid themselves of after all these years.

Chinese are not powerless, stupid or naive. They are as industrious, culturally vibrant and intelligent as the rest of us.

*The title of this post refers to a book called The Chinese Problem published in 1876 by American L.T. Townsend, which discussed the merits of excluding Chinese from immigrating to the US, and specifically California. You can view PDFs of the original text HERE.

Montreal Police: A Little Confused

Media reports today say female police officers in Montreal are being told to call in their male counterparts to deal with uncooperative Hasidic Jews. You see, these zealous men just can't interact with females due to their religious beliefs. Well, I for one, think this is a seriously complex issue that calls for sensitive cross-cultural communication strategies and... ok- if you fell for that you've never been here before. My solution?

You move to Canada you respect our legal institutions and those that enforce the laws of the land. If you don't, you get your ass charged with obstruction of justice. Can you imagine a black kid in Regent Park refusing to look at or talk to a female police officer while being questioned? He'd be head-locked and handcuffed before you could say Rodney King is my daddy.

Aren't we in Afghanistan trying to stop the same kind of shit from happening? Why would we come down hard on Muslims for practicing Sharia Law, yet treat Hasidic Jews with kid gloves? While these imported religious based systems are effective at keeping the courts unclogged by certain civil disputes, we can't allow their use when it comes to criminal issues. I don't think most Jews or Muslims demand that either.

Neither should get preferential treatment. I say it's one country (well, one country with one nation within that country), one law (well, one special legal system for Quebec), and one way to deal with people who expect that they should be able to follow some extra-territorial law of their choosing. It's bullshit. Next thing you know, Libertarians will be refusing to pay taxes.

Is this really what Trudeau and the gropey-huggy-feely dudes had in mind in the 70s? Nuh uh. Multiculturalism is great, as long as it does not infringe on the constitutional or charter rights of others, or violate the laws of the land. Period. Don't like it? Blow me before leaving. Oh and make me a sandwich on your way out, would ya?

Disclaimer: Before anyone starts freaking the fuck out, I have to say, I am in no way suggesting that Hasidic Jews, en masse or singularly, are defying the law. My opinion is based solely on media reports about the police newsletter circulating in Montreal instructing officers that only males should deal with Hasidic Jews. The advice contained in that newsletter may be based purely on a few isolated experiences. I don't know.

One Bitch to Another

I find absolutely nothing wrong with Norm Spector calling Belinda Stronach a bitch. But Norm should have qualified the definition of the word further. Bitch does not only mean what Spector and Oxford apparently say is a "malicious or treacherous" female, it can also mean lackey, subordinate and spineless politico sweaty ass-licker, when used by one man about another man.

Thus, in Norm's case, he seems specifically qualified, as one bee-yotch to another, to use the slur. If it is true that the pot can call the kettle black, shouldn't it follow that a man bitch can call a female bitch "bitch"?

Actually, come to think of it, coming from a man with a fat belly full of slimey Mulroney spooge, bitch is actually a step up. Isn't it?

Caledonia Rally Railing

Some fat guy from Thornhill, just north of Toronto, named Gary McHale is organizing a rally against the native protest at Caledonia this weekend. This co-dependent lard-ass is doing so, despite the fact that Premier McGuinty himself and other public figures including non-native residents of Caledonia have warned against it due to the possibilty of escalating tension and/or violence. I saw the meddling mountain of man-flesh on TV last night saying the rule of the law is not being enforced and that the provincial police are holding us all hostage. But the srtange thing is, Gary McHale doesn't live anywhere near Caledonia. Oh no, he is doing this all for the good of (white) society I suppose.

All I can say is I hope Blabber the Hut is right in the middle of any potential fracas that breaks out, so he can get a real feel for what it's like to be repeatedly pummelled upholding "the rule of law". My guess is it'll feel a little different than sitting in a cushy suburban casa, jamming one's face full of Doritos and masturbating to artists' depictions of the American Indian wars while pontificating about how the greedy, evil natives are ruining our lives.

You can view this America loving, right wing asshole's web site HERE.

Animals, Asses and Appropriateness

"Guy Fournier, the chair of CBC's board of directors, resigned yesterday amid a growing furor over his remarks about the joys of defecation and the legality of bestiality in Lebanon." (TO Star)

Ooooooh-k then. So he made some jokes about sex with animals and talked about pooping. I don't get it. What did he do wrong? I thought the CBC was part of the entertainment industry? Aren't funny jokes and a sense of humour crucial factors in the field of entertainment? On second thought, judging from CBC programming (AirFarce!) there may be strong cases against that assertion.

In any case, Mr. Fournier if you are looking for some online exposure for your inappropriate comedy routine, I hereby invite you to become a regular contributor to K-Dough's Canada! Of course, you'd have to change your name to Guy "Mandude" Pornier, but trust me- you'd be gold baby! Gold.

Neo-Content News Round-Up

What a glorious long weekend for those of the more insane right wing persuasion. On the heels of the Pope blessing the frozen pants of the nation, there is news of an Alberta MP's Private Members Bill that tries to advance the rights of the animate, thinking fetus argument. Next thing you know, those nutty pro-lifers will be suggesting we tax fetuses, since they are, in theory, old enough to vote- and as informed as the average voter at that.

The next juicy item for you salivating neo-cons was news that 50 "suspected" Taliban insurgents were slaughtered in a southern Afghan village. No body count on charred babies and women yet, but I suspect we won't be seeing those numbers for some time.

Blood, death, sexual schitzophrenia and mean-spirited politicization of female reproductive systems...it's pure poetry. Breath easy and sleep well fuckers, cuz everything is right in dreamy, repressed 1950's polite-on-the-surface, monstrous-under-the-thin-facade right wing Canada.

And today, shake hands with your children in a stern, business-like fashion, give 'em an extra soda pop and thank god Alberta, or any other province, isn't teeming with muslims or feminist uteruses- or whatever it is that scares you into further intolerance.

Distinct Society

Yesterday, a loyal and dedicated reader posted a comment on this blog saying "fuck Toronto". While I completely realize the gentlemanly commenter was tongue-in-cheekin' it, it sparked something in me. The first stream of conscious bolt was "oh yeah- well fuck the rest of Canada!". In fact, I thought further to myself, "with all this whining bullshit we are putting up with from the feds and other provinces about equalization, we should really start an equally selfish, Ontario-centric fuck the rest of Canada movement".

What would it be like to live in a separate Ontario? Well, for starters, we wouldn't even be able to count the cash. Of course, there would be numerous pleasurable distractions from having to count our gazillions. In our socially progressive Eden (non-denominational), we would spend our days exploiting our poorer neighbours, like Quebec and Manitoba, by making electronic investment and trade transactions from the comfort of a fully licenced whore house, smoking the darkest, most richly pungent hash from government-made bongs and munching on ethnic delicacies from around the world.

Everyone would be naked, stoned, healthy, fit and well-fed in an independent Ontario. Marriages and traditional ideas of sexuality would melt into a huge garden of omni-sexual delights. Our cities would glitter and our ecosystems would thrive. With all the extra cash we'd save from life-supporting most other Canadian provinces, our health care, social welfare and taxation systems would be the absolute finest in the world. Our country would even dominate the Tony Awards- year after year. Although, we would repatriate the Montreal Canadiens from those US bastards, rename them the Ontario Dandies and banish the Toronto Maple Leafs forever, as a symbol of our denunciation of Canadian iconography.

Ah, the fun we would have. And as provinces withered and decayed around us, we would laugh so hard we'd fart. Over and over again.

You know I'm not serious right? It sounds exceptionally preposterous that Ontario would ever be anything but a benevolent supporter of federalism and a philanthropic giver. We don't complain right? Well, can you imagine how we feel everytime Albertans, Quebeckers or whoever talks about how they are gettting such a raw deal in the fair dominion? Get a grip fuckers.