Pope Called It First

Today, the Pope, in a brilliant display of pomposity and ignorance -- virtues held sacrosanct by the Vatican-- proclaimed the Catholic church the only true church, or as the Toronto Star put it "reasserted the universal primacy of the Roman Catholic Church".

On the heels of the news, several other groups around the world scrambled to proclaim themselves leaders of their domain: The Falun Gong have claimed the title "Slowest Moving Human Targets"; the Hare Krishnas are now recognized as the Smoothest, Orangest Mental Patients in the Great Milky Way; the Jehovah's Witnesses have snagged the "Most Depressed, Flattest-Nosed Cult" mantle; and the U.S. Republican Party has become "the Only True Purveyors of the Wisdom and Teachings of Adam Smith, Jesus Falwell and Jed Clampett".

In yet another related story, K-Dough of K-Dough's Canada has proclaimed himself the Sexiest, Most Excellent Omnipotent Ruler of Blogolia and All Outlying New Mediums and Vaginas.

Eat that, Pope Whatevvvvver.