Quebeckers Love Doze Raceests
Amidst the current hooplah about whether or not Quebec contains a racist province within a province, I thought I'd ask my buddy Pierre Tremblay to comment on the controversy. Here is a transcript of a phone conversation I had with him last night, although sections are inaudible because he was yelling into his cell phone from the DJ booth at Club SuperPussy in Kirkland Lake.
Tremblay: Allo? Allo? Oo ees it? (blaring music breaking up in background faintly discernible as Helix's Rock You)
K-D: Hey dude. Sorry to bother you at work, but did ya hear about that insane Dumont guy today and the Leger poll?
Tremblay: Pole? Huh? You dat guy ooze gonna come replace dat pole dat biker dented hier soir?
K-D: Dude, (yelling) it's K-Dough!
Tremblay: Ahhhhh, mon ami! Ows eet 'anging you batard?
K-D: I'm good. I just want to know if you think most Quebeckers are racists. It's for a piece I'm doing for the blog.
Tremblay: Huh? You gonna call me frog you batard?
K-D: No, I said blog. Look, never mind. Do you think most Quebeckers are racists?
Tremblay: Ah oui, merde. Mais of course hus Quebekers har raceest. Tabernacle mod zeet. Look at 'ow much we loves Jacques!
K-D: What are you talking about? Parizeau? I don't think that's a very good...
Tremblay: Parizeau? Non, non, non. Your henglish eez not very good I thinks. Jacques Villeneuve you batard stupide!
K-D: Dude! Did you just say you think Jacques Villeneuve is a racist?
Tremblay: Huh? Don't you watch da sports? You know, Patrick Carpentier, Bertrand Godin, Mario Gosselin. You know, we loves doze Quebecois raceests, you hunderstand?
K-D: Ahhhh, gotcha. Ok then, I'll let you..
Tremblay: Huh? (garbled yelling away from the receiver) ... I tell you, you gots dead hair on your mix tape. Huh?! Get up dere, I put some Whitesnakes on. K-Dough, you dere? Mod zeet tabernacle...
K-D: Thanks for your, uh, help dude. I'll talk to you later.
Tremblay: Huh? (Yelling, away from receiver into microphone) Helene Bouchard to da booth toute de suite! Ladies hand gentlemans, put your 'ands together for da very super sexy....
(Dial tone...)
*Hat tip to ChuckerCanuck for graciously allowing me to rap in the East Coast style.
Tremblay: Allo? Allo? Oo ees it? (blaring music breaking up in background faintly discernible as Helix's Rock You)
K-D: Hey dude. Sorry to bother you at work, but did ya hear about that insane Dumont guy today and the Leger poll?
Tremblay: Pole? Huh? You dat guy ooze gonna come replace dat pole dat biker dented hier soir?
K-D: Dude, (yelling) it's K-Dough!
Tremblay: Ahhhhh, mon ami! Ows eet 'anging you batard?
K-D: I'm good. I just want to know if you think most Quebeckers are racists. It's for a piece I'm doing for the blog.
Tremblay: Huh? You gonna call me frog you batard?
K-D: No, I said blog. Look, never mind. Do you think most Quebeckers are racists?
Tremblay: Ah oui, merde. Mais of course hus Quebekers har raceest. Tabernacle mod zeet. Look at 'ow much we loves Jacques!
K-D: What are you talking about? Parizeau? I don't think that's a very good...
Tremblay: Parizeau? Non, non, non. Your henglish eez not very good I thinks. Jacques Villeneuve you batard stupide!
K-D: Dude! Did you just say you think Jacques Villeneuve is a racist?
Tremblay: Huh? Don't you watch da sports? You know, Patrick Carpentier, Bertrand Godin, Mario Gosselin. You know, we loves doze Quebecois raceests, you hunderstand?
K-D: Ahhhh, gotcha. Ok then, I'll let you..
Tremblay: Huh? (garbled yelling away from the receiver) ... I tell you, you gots dead hair on your mix tape. Huh?! Get up dere, I put some Whitesnakes on. K-Dough, you dere? Mod zeet tabernacle...
K-D: Thanks for your, uh, help dude. I'll talk to you later.
Tremblay: Huh? (Yelling, away from receiver into microphone) Helene Bouchard to da booth toute de suite! Ladies hand gentlemans, put your 'ands together for da very super sexy....
(Dial tone...)
*Hat tip to ChuckerCanuck for graciously allowing me to rap in the East Coast style.
Labels: Reactionary Bullshit, Regional, Sex, Stupid
posted by K-Dough at 9:53 PM
44 Comments:
Damn... your good. New post up.
Yeah, yeah. If I had a blow job for every time a corporate executive told me that, I'd have several...
never mind
So my reply to your question would be: What if she became a successful, pot-smoking, promiscuous artist, who made so much money she bought a bank?
That would be a mindfuck eh?
As long as I can get a free ride out of it I wouldn't mind at all.
Plus, then she could install me as the bank prez and I'd really make some fucking iconoclastic waves in the finance sector.
Banking in this country needs new blood, and I'm full of it baby.
KD and JC, how can you guys mix blog posts and comments so gaily between you?
... it's a good thing I'm at least as smart as Smenita- otherwise I wouldn't have known what to make out of this thread.
DGI: Smenita couldn't think herself out of a wet condom. Wait a sec, neither could I. Those things are damn hard to get off - and hard to get off in as well.
KD, you don't haff too tell me about it!
Club SuperPussy- small world! You no Squeaky's up hear, got hisself a reel job 'n all!
Wipin' down poles 'tween sets ... he almost got me kild too, the other night after the biker "incident"!
You remember '87, too? You no, I still have the impression you made on me!
Squeaky's Nut Sack: Sorry 'bout that dude. It was hard to aim in that blow-up pool considering the orgastic melange of dwarf limbs, goats, squeeze toys. Plus everything was pretty slippery once Desmond dumped that bucket of night crawlers and jello in.
Smenita- honey- look, don't go away mad, just shave your armpits you hairy she-beast.
The musk is killing me...
By the way Smenita- you are late for your next set. Do it again and you are fired.
Get up dere, I put some Whitesnakes on for you.
*laugh out loud* Nice try K-Jelly. I already shaved this morning and I don't wear muck. I wear "owe da toilette", and the kind I wear costs more than you think. You probably never heard of it but lets just say you can't get it at Shoppers or WalMart.
Smenita! Baby! I miss ya! Please make nice with the midget, will ya? He promised to wipe your pole evry time from now on!
You no, all this blobbing about muck and your dudie reminded me: wipe from front to back not the other way round, will ya?
Your t'aint is all the freedom I gots in this world and I'd be allot happier of you wheren't allways mucking it up!
KD - absolutely! (on a Via train right now, so forgive the garble)
In abitibi talking to a gold miner. He says with a straight, sombre face: "oh, I'd cheat on my wife, but I'd never insult her by making it a black girl or indian" (as in aboriginal).
Oui! Oui!
I got plenty of anecdotes that confirm that statistic.
No, it's not natural for your blog to be so damn entertaining.
You must be a God.
Sorry K-Dough. You started it. If you don't like it, make your next post about the variables of the market economy, and how the ripple effect of the blogosphere is no longer a constant, therefore cannot be....oh fuck it, or just talk about how we'd like to take a baseball bat to Celine's smart-ass mouth.
And different ways to wack off.
leather,
That is so sweet. You know what you can do without her? Throw in a load of laundry, clean the bathrooms, start supper, run her a bath and have a glass of wine waiting for her when she gets home.
That's what you can do.
I do that everyday. I tell ya- he needs a dicktervention!!!!
LMAO..a dicktervention, eh? Well, I think you're just the man for that job.
Pam, I second that.
K, you do chores everyday? Should I believe you?
Leather, if you did all the things pam sugested then catch up on your sleep, watch TV, shovel your yard or your neighbours yard or better yet post random comments here.
I am modern man. I do half of everything physicially possible. No word of a lie girls. And, sorrily, I am taken!
(but available for rental: barmitvahs, birthdays, dictator executions etc...)
I find strength in being as equal as possible, while still revering (read: and sometimes abhorring) the differences between the sexes.
but available for rental: barmitvahs, birthdays, dictator executions etc...)
By what? The hour? Minute? Night? What is included? Are assless chaps extra?
dictator executions? Okkkkay.
I believe you, K. When you read someone's blog almost everyday, you get the picture of the kind of person they are.
How come everyone is here after 5pm? Usually this place is deserted 5pm to 10am.
Because it's too fucking cold to go to the gym and my husband is out of town..That's why I'm "working" at home tonight.
I charge by the visible ass inch.
Pam...I did make dinner, I do the laundry, and I'M the neat freak! (K-Dough has now lost all respect for me.)
Seriously, I'm bumming 'cause my boy had his ninth birtday, and was at his mom's. We missed each other on the phone, and he's apparently in bed now. It just makes me kinda sad and shit...
I'll keep on coming to dig your blog if you come and pay your respects to my little home on the web?
And, why wouldn't you? Karmacake is good karma!
Awww leather, you are so cute. May be you can try to catch your son tomorrow in the morning before he goes to school. And say Happy Birthday to him. I don't think he will mind that you were unable to talk to him. My dad couldn't even believe that I am turning 20 this week. He forgot but he is forgetful about everything and I forgive him. Your son B-Day is just two days ahead of mine;)
Happy B-Day Joanne! Youy're a cutey too.
Wow- all ages love fest going on here. Sweet. I'm stoned so that is perfect.
Karmacake: Hm. Cake eh? A slice of that is sure to bolster your eternity insurance.
Thank you, Leather. I am living my last days as a teen, god knows what will happen when I turn 20 on thursday.
Now cheer up and have happy memories.
Leather: Dude- sorry to hear about the Daddy woes. I'm sure he's cool... Knowing what I know of you, which is admittedly not much, no kid could be mad for long.
Look at me. I'm already over the time you put roofies in my Cream Soda and bagged me with that mouldy pillow case over my stupified head.
Happy birthday countdown, Joanne. I can't date Capricorns. Too stubborn.
I went to back to that German restaurant "The Musket" tonight. Didn't order the Pork Hocks again. The waiter asked if I was SURE I didn't want to eat Pork Hocks. I don't fall for that shit twice.
k-dough, I'm the bitch that G'd you, and that wasn't a pillow case that was Leatherman's boxers...
I think...
I was sampling your pop to see if you could taste the drugs. I had to make the mix was right.
As for "the cake" you'd be surprised, I have an ongoing thread that tracks the slow death of my soul in Upper Canada. It started to wither away here
Your soul might die too if you read it.
Thank You Sheena. I guess I am one of those stubborn capricorns.
leather,
My parents are divorced and I had double birthdays (one with mom, one with dad) and it was fine. You can celebrate with him on "your" weekend. He has a father who play the DRUMS, for Christ's sake. I bet he adores you.
Thanks everyone. My little guy said "Daddy, you're the love of my life" this morning. I was a blubbering mess after I hung up.
That's what it's all about, leather.
Ahhhh, you big tall long haired rock drummer geek! That may be the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Well, except for what l'il miss Kay-Dough said to yours truly last night:
Girlfriend for life (GFL) was out with girly girls drinking wine and stuff, so l'il K and I had subs and soup. I called her away from her cartoons for a sec to show her the "special big girl sandwich" (ooooh...ahhhhh) I picked up on the way home (i.e. turkey sub- hot peppers on the side). Usually, I'm home after GFL- she gets home early to relieve Super Nanny.
But last night I was home to provide said relief.
Annnnnnnnnnnyway: Upon seeing the special sandwich I had queued up for her, Li'l K threw her lovin arms around my neck, squuezed tightly and said "I love you Daddy. Thank you for coming home to my house".
I then proceeded to kiss all the cute meat off her face.
KarmaCake: My soul will never die. That's why I am frantically trying to clear up the karma deficit I amassed in the 80s...
Not too mention my soul has already gone to a bunch of better places- Amsterdam probably being the most enlightening.
K-Dough, you win. My little girl loves turkey subs too! Cuccumbers on the side.
Your little girly-girl is a doll.
Dude -As you well know, there is no winning or losing. There is only love that can not be measured by empirical means.
there is no winning or losing. There is only love that can not be measured by empirical means.
Priceless.
Thanks for paying attention sweetie!
Hi ;)
heh... what disturbed comments!
what do you think about it?
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