Toronto's Trash Carries Revolutionary Germs

Canadian garbage trucks hauling Toronto's trash into Michigan every day could pose a terrorist threat to the U.S., says a recently released Department of Homeland Security report. The report says that specially trained sewer rats from Toronto's leftist rodent underground could infiltrate Detroit's landfills and disseminate anti-government propaganda amongst American vermin. U.S. Homeland Security believes that if any of these socialist rats are able to make it onto mid-western or up-state farms and win the sympathy of pigs, the farm system could be destabilized, which could foment a barnyard animal revolution.

A source close to President Bush said "Mad cows? Whatever. I mean what the hell's a cow gonna do to you? But Communist rats threaten our way of life!".

The Canadian government countered U.S. claims with a study that says the very geographical juxtaposition of Canada to the United States could present a terrorist threat to Canada. Canadian officials denied there were plans to move the country out of North America in light of the potential threat.