The Young and the Leaderless
This has been bugging me for a long time, so I'm just going to come out and ask. Are Stephen Harper's eyes real? I don't think they are. They look like finely crafted dolls eyes or glass marbles. No wait. They look like the hollow blue glittering eyes of an emotionless Huskie or stalking wolf. The only time they move is when he moves his head. Watch closely next time he is on your magic television box device. That brings me to my next question. Is Stephen Harper really Satan's pet wolf? I know it sounds a little crazy- maybe even delusionally paranoid. But do you think Stephen Harper was put here on earth -here, in Canada- to do Satan's bidding, as his winged wolf monkey? (ok, so he doesn't have wings- that we've seen) Another important question to ask yourself: Is Stephen Harper building a giant UFO at his secret compound in the Badlands of Alberta, that he will use to destroy the earth once his asexually-reproducing clone winged wolf monkeys multiply?
Look, I don't have all the answers. I'm just asking questions that good Liberals across the country should be asking right now, instead of blogging endlessly about Young Liberal drama, and which starry-eyed envelope stuffing politico-zombie loves which second-string rumoured leadership candidate. Christ, could you red kids put a little more colour in it?
posted by K-Dough at 12:40 PM
17 Comments:
hilarious.
and you, at least, get it. are you warren kinsella? b/c the grits seem only to have him as a talented propagandist.
enter K-Dough.
Since I've met Harper and I'm part of his cult, I do have partial answers:
1) The eyes are real, but they aren't his. He snatched them from a poor boy in Bangledesh whose parents were desperate for the money.
2) Technically, W Bush was sent to do Satan's bidding. Harper is sent to do Bush's bidding. I'm sent to do Harper's bidding. There's an unfortunate sucker who just graduated university who we hired to do my bidding. Evil comes with a long supply chain.
3) Its not technically a UFO. Its the Crafmatic 2004. It was supposed to be unveiled by you know who next year, leading up to an election, but Mr. Tire doesn't work no more. It was supposed to win us a majority: vote for us or you will be death rayed.
Harper has looked into the depths of dispair that is Canada and the chill he got is mirrored in his eyes. I've looked into those eyes while he shook my hand. No fears there, mate, just a solid confidence that a change is needed and he is the one who can do it. It isn't strange that Canadians aren't willing to give him a chance to make changes. We are, after all, a nation that believes in instant gratification and we've been on the government teat for so fucking long that any effort to wean us from it will be met with much resistance. Harper has been given the job to clean up this shithouse and we only gave him one goddamm plunger to do it with. A little shitty water will be slopped around the floor before the jobs done so it is reasonable to expect that some assholes will slip and crack a few teeth on the toilet bowl. But, given time, Stephen will have her shining like a baby's ass on Sunday!
Squid,
I shook his hand, had 2 minutes of chat, left with same impression. this is a good man. this man gets it.
my water-cooler senses say, all systems go; moral indignation is not a good card for either the Liberals or Separatists in Quebec. It rings hollower than a black hole.
"Helmet-head" everybody laughed. But deep inside, I knew anyone who had the same hairstylist as Scotty and Bones on the original Trek (when you see a re-run watch for it...it's astounding)couldn't be all bad. Then again, a deep fearful part of me suspects the whole fucker can simply unscrew...and...God only knows..
leatherhands,
put your faith in Bill Gates, this one was programmed just right.
Chucker:
The WK attribution (fear - that's how you run a successful campaign) was on the tips of my fingers but I really wanted to avoid any legal ramifications.
Squid- I know it's early bud, but what's changed man? Same ole same ole stuffed shirt shat to me. Seriously, the assholes breakin' teeth on toilet bowls stuff is gold!
If that were true though Ottawa would become a city full of toothless old guys with no place to take a dump!
O/T:
I had an idea that might also interest you.
Chuckercanuck will always be ruthless political propaganda in prime focus. I also started a second blog: AskChuckercanuck
The idea being, we could tag-team, with another name. But take over the advice giving business with sarcastic, fun, self-deprecating yet cruel comedy as people send in questions about anything.
Don't you think that he might be a little more interesting if he was associated with Satan? I mean, have a little "spark" in his fake eyes?
Considering that right now on my interesting scale he rates around a -4 (samish level as an accountant), yes, some satanic influence might help.
Let's put it this way. I find Blackie Lawless interesting. Harper is just another hollow man to me.
Yup, I agree. You know, an old 80's rocker would make things much more interesting..stuffed into those old spandex (did you wear those? tell me NO..but I bet ya did..)
Pam- Indeed, I am guilty of spandex in the 1st degree. Basically, Avril Lavigne ripped off all my fashion tricks- the studded wrist bands, the socks on the arm etc..
But when she does it she's cool. If I did I'd be an old loser trying to look young.
If I get too drunk, I do still occassionally throw entrails around my backyard while blasting Fuck Like A Beast, dressed in nothing but pleather pants and a tiger striped bandana around my leg..
Hey, I think we might be neighbours. Do you have long, permed hair? Thinning on the top and back?
Yeah! And I ride a Honda, but I stripped it and painted a Harley logo on it. I wear red and white tiger stripe workout pants and a sleeveless Jack Daniel's shirt all the time.
I have my Grade 10, but if I'm down at the bars, I lie and say I have my welder's license. My idea of foreign food is tex-mex, and my favourite movie is Highlander. I drink Cinquante and can't wait to see Trooper and Goddo this summer at the Kee to Bala for the 18th year in row!!!!!!
K-Dough, you really know how to rock.
I like my rock hard!
Who wants, to live, forever?
Who wants, to live, forever?
There can be only one, K-Dough
I do I do!
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