Arrest in Mexican Murders

Mexican Police have called off their search for a Canadian killer in the murder of a Canadian couple recently at a Cancun area resort. In a surprising turn of events, police have now charged an 8 year old mule named Pepe with the murders. Pepe's owner, Herve Ruiz-Montalban, says he was shocked by the revelation, adding "he ees not baiolent, 'ecep for he keek me seberal time one time". Police say Pepe is a long-time member of a local mule gang called Los Huevos del Fuego. Canadian officials say they will continue to cooperate with Mexican authorities, the mule, Condoleeza Rice, the NYFD and anyone else who asks for their help.

Recently, leads in the investigation went cold regarding the possibility that two jello tequila shooter-loving, 30ish Canadian beach cougars were somehow responsible. At that point, the Mexican police had re-focussed their suspicions on an 11 year old limbless, wheelchair-bound Swiss girl. That avenue also turned out to be fruitless, when little Frieda's family corroborated her claims that she had never left the Alps -- let alone been to Mexico -- since she was born, and that she had no arms or legs at the time of the murders.