Top 10 Indications I've Been Drinking Too Much
...lately.
- My liver moved out, got its own apartment and isn't returning my calls. Fucking fair weather two-faced bastard organ!
- Starting to find myself attracted to Celine Dionne and/or any chick with a head like a rat and the body of a coat rack in a sequined dress.
- Woke up this morning with an aching neck wearing a giant black strap-on around my forehead and identations of nipples on my feet, with a baritone male voice singing gospel music from the shower.
- yyyyou know wut? yerrr my beshht fuckkkkin friennnd in thuh hole fuckkkkkin werld you shhhtupid fukkkking sonama beetch...arrrrrrrrrrr!!!...(licks your forehead, musses up your hair and puts you in a headlock).
- Parked the car in the living room last weekend- and neither the living room nor the car were mine.
- Accepted invitation to go pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney.
- Oh my God I woke up with a snake tatt... ok forget it... I can't even pretend to like that horrible goddamn song!
- Puked in my boss' wife's purse while he was away in Arizona.
- Ralph Klein's memoirs suddenly making sense to me.
- My iPod only plays Dean Martin songs now.
Labels: Booze, Stupid Lists
posted by K-Dough at 7:01 PM
12 Comments:
What a privilege to spend time with Mr. Cheney!!! I'm so jealous!!! You've likely heard of some "incidents" in the past that have taken place while Mr. Cheney was hunting. But fear not!!! Those events were no doubt blown out of proportion by the crazed, left wing media!!!
As for the writings of Mr. Klein, I suggest you devote several years of your life to learning from them. After all, Mr. Klein is the second greatest politician in Canadian history, next to Mr. Harris of course.
What's wrong with drinking too much???
After hearing about you pounding booze last Friday night K-dough, it's clear that you've been drinking too much for a very long time. Have your blog friends considered an intervention???
More on Cheney: K-Dough on Cheney
Betty Ford? I banged her!
But were you drunk at the time? Because we all know that if you were drunk it doesn't count.
How'd all these people get into my room?
Pam - an easier question to answer would have been "were you sober at the time".
1. Actually believe that putting my foot on the floor will stop the bed spins
2. Surprised to hear knocking on the hotel door despite yelling out the room number in the middle of the Beer Garden at Molson Indy
3. Appointment at Victoria's Secret to be fitted for an underwire liver bra.
4. Spilling a frozen margarita in bed and feeling entitled to bitch about sleeping in the wet spot.
5. Mysterious bruises in colours not found in the paint dept at Home Depot
6. Waking up with construction barriers gently blinking in the dark of the living room, and not being able to lift them sober.
7. Wondering why the washing machine isn't working, and having to remove the blown baloney chunks before the rinse cycle.
Sheena- lol- number two is my favourite (and no that wasn't some sick reference to having a scatological fetish!)
Whats your drink of choice?
I don't discriminate. I'm an equal opportunity drinker. Spicy Merlots and Belgian Abbey beers top the list though.
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