Top 10 Reasons I Had To Give Up Stripping
- My hydraulic X-Wing penis mount got too close to my dancing partner's home-made gas powered light sabre dildo and the explosion set our animatronic Well-Hung Wookie ablaze.
- The fetish-for-4-feet-tall-bald-squat-Eurasian-she-males-dressed-as-sumo-clowns market completely dried up after the whole Gomery thing happened.
- My addiction to suppositories and resulting weak sphincter musculature was really starting to have a disastrous effect on my lap dance revenues.
- Three words: Family Court Order.
- Club owner ordered me to remove my hemmorhoidal piercing and I refused. Power to the ass grapes people!
- I developed a growth on my left ass cheek that resembled Oprah, and none of my clientelle could ever stomach my patented Reverse Trapeze Sack Swing ever again.
- I lost faith in the intregity of my vocation upon finding out that Demi Moore - my mentor - was dating That Idiot from That 70s Show.
- I developed a severe case of stage fright, forcing me to wear a hockey helmet, oven mitts, goalie pads and steel-toed work boots (but nothing in the middle!) every time I performed for fear of incurring further head injuries from fainting.
- I became a born again God-fearing Republican. Wait- no that was why I started. Never mind.
- My Pink Ninja Turtle of the Night routine went to hell, when the head filed a union grievance and refused to continue popping out of the shell-like cod piece.
Labels: Sex, Stupid Lists, Top Lists
posted by K-Dough at 7:15 AM
28 Comments:
Ashton Kutcher... mmmm.
K-dough giving a lap dance? Sorry K-dough, but I didn't knead that image.
Homo- Ouch. What's a straight boy got to do to get a gay guy to actually pay for a dance for a change?
K-Dough; to whom will all those impressionable grrls look to now for inspiration?
You were like Babs on a C note, ridin' that pole, baby!
The Nut-Sack-Spectaculaire! Oh mon dieu! Who will mourn for thee?
Homo, are you sure you didn't knead that image a little too much?
Per chance?
KD, in this business kneading is a valid and effective form of payment!
'Nome sayin'!
J-Roc: re: knead- that's homo's passive aggresive way of stating the opposite of what he really means.
K Dough, Globor is perplexed by how to properly read all these lists - is the first reason in the list number one in terms of hilarity, or simply the first reason that came to mind?
Globor asks this because if number one is number one in terms of hilarity, then like your stripping routines of yore, you climax too early.
random numbers, my little green hungry glob. random numbers.
I quit stipping because at the end of the day, I just didn't feel I could respect myself. You know?
LOL! Awesome list, KMan.
I'd still respect you the next day, CC. Really.
Now get up there and shake it, you saucy boy.
What have you go against Ashton Kutcher? He is cute.
Funny list.
Shake it.
Shhhhhhh shake it.
Shake it like a polaroid picture.
Joanne- he's cute, but wayyyyyy too stupid for her.
I think CC would have to take off his bow-tie first. WAIT!! Maybe he could leave his tie on...ONLY his tie.
I'd pay to see it.
"like a polaroid picture"
Ok now I can stop laughing with because I have a very active imagination.
Pam- where would said bow tie be affixed?
Joanne- it's a line from an Outkast tune...
First off, now into my thirties, I don't shake as much as a wobble, like jello in transit.
Second, I would be happy to put on a bow-tie to entertain the girls on this blog. I'd even make it the kind that squirts when you get real close.
Third, Ashton Kushner goes to fashion shows. I'm not joking. I saw it on CBC Newsworld this weekend. He's a grown man.
CC: Read my question to Pam above and then re-read what you just wrote:
Second, I would be happy to put on a bow-tie to entertain the girls on this blog. I'd even make it the kind that squirts when you get real close.
I'd certainly have a little explaining to do when I got home and my husband saw my sweater.
Heh heh. That's why I always carry an extra sweater...uhhhh wait a sec- what am I saying?
oh mon ami, Pierre 'as jus' tole hus dat turble nooze ... tabernacle! can I 'ave dat 'all & Oats Manneeter song?
Mod zeet tabernacle- Dat DJ batard 'ees not playings dat songs for nobodies hunless 'ees knows you hare finite avec tout!
C'est dommage Cheri- I puts on some Whitesnakes for you?
K-dough dancing for us??? Yummy....
Looks like all those Saturday nights spent nude oil wrestling in "The Shwa" finally paid off with a stripping career for K-dough. Congrats dude.
Forever Blue- do you actually remember the party at our band house when D and the guys were nude oil wrestling with strippers on the front lawn?
Good fucking times dude! (I think you were there?)
Merde KayDee! I'm jus' comes hin 'ere maintenant pour les hafternoon 'appy 'our.
Dat songs she eez hon mon listes tabernacle!
Dat Whitesnakes covers de dead hair dans mon tape c'est bon!
Mod zeet tabernacle!
I was there, too: classic 'Shwa house party!
Take one newly-arrived bassist, a large plastic bottle of Mazola Oil and a willing, soon-to-be-nude female participant ... mix well with one freshly cut front lawn ... as you've imagined; hilarity and high jinks ensued!
Good fucking times! Indeed K-Dough, indeed!
what are the reasons you like me?
Post a Comment
<< Home