Top 10 Canadian Slapstick Political Quotes
Politicians definitely spend a lot of time messaging us to death, blowing hot air out of their asses and attacking each other. But rarely do they say things that reach the soaring heights of stupidity, controversy or just plain political uncorrectness that the following attained. Enjoy.
- Jean Chretien: (On the justification the U.S. used for invading Iraq) "No, a proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof, and when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."
- Ralph Klein: (On Belinda Stronach's defection to the Liberals) "I wasn't surprised she crossed over. I don't think she ever had a Conservative bone in her body -- well, except for one."
- Jean Chretien: "I don't know what is marijuana. Perhaps I will try it when it will no longer be criminal. I will have my money for my fine and a joint in the other hand."
- Pierre Trudeau: "Some things I never learned to like. I didn't like to kiss babies, though I didn't mind kissing their mothers."
- Jacques Parizeau: (On the separatist defeat in the '95 referendum) "C'est vrai, c'est vrai qu'on a été battus, au fond, par quoi? Par l'argent puis du vote ethnique, essentiellement." (Trans: It is true, it is true that we were beaten, but in the end, by what? By money and ethnic votes, essentially.)
- Stephen Harper: "I don't know all the facts on Iraq, but I think we should work closely with the Americans."
- Mel Lastman, former Tornoto Mayor: (Just before getting on a flight to Kenya to support Toronto's bid for the 2008 Olympic Games) "What the hell do I want to go to a place like Mombasa? ... I'm sort of scared about going there ... I just see myself in a pot of boiling water with all these natives dancing around me."
- Ontario MPP, Bob Runciman: (On Belinda Stronach's defection to the Liberals) "She sort of defined herself as something of a dipstick, an attractive one, but still a dipstick, with what she's done here today. She is, at the end of the day, going to paint herself as something of a joke."
- Peter MacKay: "Something else I've learned about Secretary Rice is she loves the cool Atlantic breezes here in Nova Scotia, and she left the window open last night."
- Stockwell Day: "I am more convinced than ever that a lively two party system is essential to our democracy."
Honourable mention: Did he or didn't he? Mike Harris, former Ontario Premier: (Harris' own Attorney General Charles Harnick testified to this statement during the Ipperwash Inquiry looking into the shooting death of Dudley George by the provincial police): "I want the fuckin' Indians out of the park." To be fair, Harris denied saying it.
Labels: Canadiana, Politics, Top Canadian Lists, Top Lists
posted by K-Dough at 8:15 AM
11 Comments:
LOL!!!! Thanks for the memories. Especially love the Mel quote.
Speaking of Mel, here's another honourable mention....(when asked about his 12 year affair with a woman he'd had two children with, then paid off to shut up) "Look, I made a mistake."
Mel, Mel... getting a lap dance when you've had too much to drink is a "mistake"...what you did is called p-o-l-y-g-a-m-y. Got it?
(What did he do, leave her apartment every day for twelve years saying "oops!"?)
Two more favourites of mine, both from Jean Chretien:
In response to a question about cross-border drug trade, in a news conference in front of Bill Clinton, having misheard a question about "drugs": "It's good! Let them come across the border! We will take all we can get!"
And...
About pepper spray against APEC protestors: "For me, pepper, I put it on my plate."
Wow... and I thought Ralph was "Colorful".
Ahhh... I miss Ralphie. He was always good company for a beer at lunch when he was Mayor.
Taken from the net:
Quotes from the man who did not allow either his DWI arrest
or theft arrest prevent him from stealing the Presidency,
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between mother and child." - GWB
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." GW Bush,
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change."
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." Dec. 20, 2000
"It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."
"Mr. Vice President, in all due respect, it is—I'm not sure 80 percent of the people get the death tax. I know this: 100 percent will get it if I'm the president."
"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness." Sept 2000
"Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about."
"If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it." St. Louis, Mo.
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
"The future will be better tomorrow." (thats what I always say, after a line or two of decent blow)
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history." (Uh huh...)
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made." GW Bush, Jr. to Sam Donaldson
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." ...
"Public speaking is very easy." ...
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican"
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." (George is quick eh?)
"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make." ...Gov GW Bush, Jr.
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system." GW Bush
Need we say more?
No, please, I can't take more...
"A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven."
-Jean Chrétien
The only PM of Canada fluent in no official language
We need a good quote from John Crosbie.
JC: re: He was always good company for a beer at lunch when he was Mayor.
...and 1 pm, and 2 pm and 3 pm and 4 pm and...
No fair on using the GWB trump though. This morning when I was putting the list togehter was the first time I'be thought calling the blog K-Dough's America would have be helpful- only so I could've used him.
Although, Mel and Jean are great substitutes.
Well... it's my job not to be necessarily fair KD... but he's just so damn stupid I couldn't help myself.
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
Hilarious! I am going to try this one at my next job interview.
"Pass me the tequila Sheila and lie down and love me again!"
John Crosby
Oops. I meant John Crosbie.
Hold on.
1) "A proof is a proof" is brilliant, not stupid. Or am I stupid?
2) If you americanized, you need Rumsfelds equally genius: "things we know we know, things we know we don't know and things we don't know we don't know."
--- Chuckercanuck
3) Chretien on Jerusalem: "I don't know if I'm in north, south, east or west Jerusalem."
4) Harper: "I've never been accused of seducing anyone. Not even my wife."
5) Bob Rae had a really funny one once. I don't remember it but something like: Don Newman tells Bob how much his wife likes Mr. Rae to which Bob Rae responds, "yeah, but she always goes home to you, Don."
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