Top 10 Signs God Doesn't Exist
- American/Canadian Idol being allowed to democratize the music industry so that now, a brain-damaged, shaved kitten with fake human tits can achieve international fame for 17 seconds, while real artists die in cardboard boxes in filthy alleys in pools of their own urine every 17 seconds.
- War, disease, pestilence, property taxes, urethra swabs: injustice in general.
- 2 terms of the dim prince, GWB.
- Centuries worth of mail pollute the unkempt lawn of the house he claims to live in. Plus, I checked with the electric company- no service to that location.
- I have never had sex with Mitsou Gelinas.
- Karla Homolka Gives Birth!
- Phrase "Oh my God!" during sex recently replaced by "Over to the right. Ok, that's not the right I was talking about. Are you listening to me? Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself. You finish up and go watch the UFC. Huh? You are finished? I didn't even know it was in."
- Someone posing as "GOD" messaged me on Myspace saying he would meet me at Lee's Palace on Friday night. I stayed forever, listening to one shitty fucking '80s rip-off band after another. All the kids thought I was some 30-something perverted loser. When I got home, my Myspace page was hacked and someone was sending out porn site bulletins from my profile! Fuckin' GOD!
- Justin Timberlake - the archangel messiah- is moon-walking the earth and thriving amongst us.
- To this day, XTC has never received a reply.
Labels: Religion, Stupid Lists, Top Lists
posted by K-Dough at 3:30 PM
25 Comments:
LOL!!! Best list yet.
(Evidence would suggest that God is just too busy making sure a handful of R&B/soul artists win their Grammy awards....)
Agreed - that's hilarious.
I love XTC not getting a reply. But then, they sort of stalked God and don't exactly deserve much more than a restraining order.
Yo. Wat up G- Ledahhh ma-fuckin Hands in da howwwse- yeah boyeee!
Yo, I 'd like to thanks first of all my posse from da hood. Then, of course, my ma-fukin drug dealer, my moms and pops and my babies' mamas and their babies' mamas and hoody ganstas. Yo.
But da biggest ma-fuckin shout out go to my bitch homeboy, the sweet lord my saviour, who gave me the gift of rap. Yo. Peace out.
Yo Gs- I totally feel you bro. I am one of dose Agnostafarians. God is a giant spliff mon...
CC: But what if God was one of us? Just a stranger on the bus?
1. Only the crazy black guy on the corner of Bay and Adelaide can hear him.
2. One of his "creations" is killing off all other the other "Creations"
3. Stephen Harper is in charge, Elizabeth May is not.
4. Canadian content TV
5. Rap
6. Cows give milk instead of beer.
7. Everything tastey is bad for you
8. Fat chicks in spandex
9. Hairy guys in speedos
10. No gastly off key choir in the entire history of the world has been struck down for making praise painfull.
GAB: Watch out dude with this comment "Fat chicks in spandex" you may raise the ire of LeatherHands.
Oh, for Christ's sake. I just think most guys' definition of "fat" is a bit skewed. See what I get for opening the door a crack to let my "friends" in. (Weep, sniffle..)
" I have never had sex with Mitsou Gelinas. "
Now THAT'S a weird coincidence. You'll NEVER guess what was number four on Mitsou Gelinas list "Ten Reasons I Offer Daily Thanks To The Almighty".
Yeah GAB, you dissin' everyone else from the 'Shwa, too!
Fat chicks in spandex is a Gift from god! Growing up, that's what you got your kid brother for his thirteenth birthday, for chrissakes!
Leather, if y'all can slap her in the arse and count more'n one steamboat ...
KDough,
the answer to your question was provided by Brian Wilson some decades ago... God Only Knows.
I would like to know how you define fat chicks, and this chick is PMSing big time so keep that in mind when you reply.
I love the shwa, it's the only place a Scarb like me can look down upon. Oh there's Keswick too.
I'm talking Kristy Ally, moonscape butts in spandex, it causes me more shrinkage than the polar bear club New year swim.
I figure if I'm respectfull enough to refrain from exposing myself on the beach and scaring the children then others should too.
Balbulican: LOL!
CC: Jesus Built My HotRod!!!
Did Janice Joplin every get her Mercedes?,
no, she got dead.
nuff said.
Pam- Don't be silly - there are no fat chicks, only assorted sizes of beautiful earth goddesses.
GAB- that was actually one of the first gospel hymns of the new religion: Consumerism!
Pam, was my definition not enough?
GAB, when one is from the 'Shwa one likely has a cousin and/or sister living in Keswick, so it's really the same thing.
"... Kristy Ally, moonscape butts in spandex ..." Dreams of our youth, big boy!
If you got a second steamboat outta your birthday present you were scoring with an XL baeutiful earth goddess!
A teenage badge of honour worn right up there with the Lee jean jacket!
If there's no god what in hell does Smenita keep calling him for?
Tetra Pack wine
Tallahasse Florida
Canned Olives
Sheena- sooooo sorry to hear that.
I ate canned olives (by the CAN) as a kid, so I can't say I hate them, even if they are tasteless and a scary texture.
But I'm with you on the Tetra pack wine, Sheena. It's just wrong.
KD, if God was one of us, we'd get the personal capital gains exemption back.
K, LOL!
Have you seen the joke about god creating balance? That might be the answer to your post.;)
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