Tie Your Brother Down
Recently, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty quipped to reporters that he was encouraging staff in his office to shun the neck tie in times of extreme heat, as a means of conserving energy (i.e. no tie = higher air con temps). I wholeheartedly applauded that sentiment. In fact, I have not worn a tie in years and will never again do so. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.
Neck ties are the mark of a subservient, beaten down man. If you wear one, you might as well etch "bitch" across your forehead with a letter opener. They are the albatross of the common man, meant to restrict movement and blood flow. The constant tugging and threat of asphyxiation are there to remind you that you are an owned commodity. In short, the tie holds a brother down.
That brings me to another point. Without the fashion restrictions of being forced to wear collared shirts that are appropriate for tie-bondage a man is free to experiment. For instance, why tuck ever again? There is no tuck needed without a tie. You can carelessly flaunt your great looking, chest enhancing clubby short-sleeved shirt and sleek-lined casual dress pants without the humiliation of the ridiculously egregious clown-like look that comes with a short-sleeved dress shirt/neck tie ensemble. Hey, you might want to even let a scrap of tattoo peek out from under your new found, travel-light office gear.
When I first started my employ in the ivory corridors of power, a stiff, man-like cave-woman of a manager with the apparent fashion sense of a lesbian mechanic once told me "You don't have to wear a suit and tie everday here. But if you don't, it will affect your career". Well, in a way, she was correct. Once I shed the dummy suit, I instantly was catapulted into more successful jobs. I spent more time at work counting my money and fending off the endless stream of horny secretaries than actually working. I was even granted unlimited use of the company jet.
For me at least, the key was to be more like myself and less like everyone else. I think powerful people recognize and respect that ability. To those who don't: I say suck my ass.
Message for the week: Rock hard and ride free, my sexy little chipotles!
Neck ties are the mark of a subservient, beaten down man. If you wear one, you might as well etch "bitch" across your forehead with a letter opener. They are the albatross of the common man, meant to restrict movement and blood flow. The constant tugging and threat of asphyxiation are there to remind you that you are an owned commodity. In short, the tie holds a brother down.
That brings me to another point. Without the fashion restrictions of being forced to wear collared shirts that are appropriate for tie-bondage a man is free to experiment. For instance, why tuck ever again? There is no tuck needed without a tie. You can carelessly flaunt your great looking, chest enhancing clubby short-sleeved shirt and sleek-lined casual dress pants without the humiliation of the ridiculously egregious clown-like look that comes with a short-sleeved dress shirt/neck tie ensemble. Hey, you might want to even let a scrap of tattoo peek out from under your new found, travel-light office gear.
When I first started my employ in the ivory corridors of power, a stiff, man-like cave-woman of a manager with the apparent fashion sense of a lesbian mechanic once told me "You don't have to wear a suit and tie everday here. But if you don't, it will affect your career". Well, in a way, she was correct. Once I shed the dummy suit, I instantly was catapulted into more successful jobs. I spent more time at work counting my money and fending off the endless stream of horny secretaries than actually working. I was even granted unlimited use of the company jet.
For me at least, the key was to be more like myself and less like everyone else. I think powerful people recognize and respect that ability. To those who don't: I say suck my ass.
Message for the week: Rock hard and ride free, my sexy little chipotles!
Labels: Corporate Bullshit, Environment
44 Comments:
Unless the Asians are visiting. Then it's still suit time.
Actually, you may be surprised to learn that Tokyo is currently the world leader in encouraging salarimen to burn their ties. Strange but true.
I lived there in the 90s and still can't believe it.
K Dough, who are you trying to kid?
You have a room devoted to your tie collection, and they're sorted by silk weight!
Your collars are so starched they make Don Cherry's shirts look like kurtas!
Ha! But seriously, if I got any less formal, I'd be selling street meat at the cart out on XXXXXXXXX street.
I agree completely K-dough, which is why I always wear sandals with my suits to the boardroom.
My little way of announcing my defiance to the man... except that I'm the man, so it's really just because I can...
Everyone else has to come to the office looking ready for Sunday Mass. It piss' everyone off, but I don't care.
Friday, I wore Bermuda shorts, and the loudest shirt I could find, then called an emergency senior manager meeting for 3pm, which I canceled at 3:05pm from the clubhouse just before I was up, informing them I'd changed my mind about the meeting so I could play a round of golf.
I could just hear the anger in their voices from the speakerphone starting up, when the receptionist walked in to deliver them all movie and dinner pass' for their spouses and themselves.
I'm such a prick.
JC: Sweet. They should call you the Corporate Jesus of Cowgary.
I think ties are very sexy and my husband can't/won't wear one, EVER. I like to see men in a suit and tie. C'mon. Don't start this.
LOL!! However, a suit takes on a whole new meaning in my case, with dyed death-black hair past my shoulders and two BIG hoop earrings. Freaks the boardroom types out. As an extra booster, I try to ensure I have the most expensive looking suit in the room. I call it beating them at their own game.
In the summer, I can't live without my tight, gay looking CK tees.
I find the new corporate uniform seems to be a golf shirt tucked into dark slacks, pulled tight at the front by a massive belly. That's a great fucking look.
JC, when my little business goes tits-up, can I work for you?
Men in suits turn me on. Nothing like cruising around on Bay Street at lunch hour, rich and aggressive men in their slim fitting suits and short hair cuts, all full of pompous arrogance and energy. Makes me want to smash capitalism and take each and every one of them home with me.
But aside from my most recent fantasy, I just wish we could turn up the A/C.
Oh Yeah, K...if you "Tie Your Brother Down", than you have to "Take Your Mother Swimming With a Brick. (That's all right...)"
You're all crazy. Ties and tucking are necessary in today's world. Without uniformity the world falls apart and, before you know it, the Habs are winning the Stanley Cup.
Personally, I abide by the saying, "dress for the position you want." That means a suit & tie every day with a smile on my face. This not only gives a professional appearance when I'm hungover but it also keeps Diku interested.
Pam/Diku: The movement is strong. All around us men are rising up against sexist tyranny. Our underground is well-developed and pervasive.
Soon, there will be mass tie burnings springing up all across the nation.
You should get on the progressive track and stop supporting the perpetuation of this barbaric practice.
Noel- you said "Dress for the position you want"? I guess you're right. Especially, if the position you want is the receiving end of fat-old-boy's-school doggy style.
J-Dog: Sorry to hear about your affliction. But with the proper support and counselling you can overcome your tucking obsession.
I suggest that J-Dog and Noel spend a debauched weekend with the Doughster. It tends to erase all semblance of propriety, dignity and order.
Untucking is a difficult subject for me.
Many many years ago I worked for a very big fat man who wore suspenders. One day he became untucked at the back. There was a big shit stain at the bottom of the back of his shirt because obviously he tucked it into his gitch.
Oh my god Sheena. You poor woman.
Look, I have to qualify my earlier comments by saying that I believe tucking needs to be maintained in certain medically necessary situations.
Notwithstanding, I am a vehement Right to Tuckist.
I'm hiring in TO and the Maritimes right now Leather... Propriety is for old men and priests.
However, on the matter of suits I will say this...
There is nothing more dissappointing than a man wearing black shoes and white socks. This is the cardinal no no, and it shows your mother never liked you.
Never, I say never, wear a light blazer over dark pants. Doesn't matter how good you think it looks Gentlemen, it makes you look fat... and you look like a used car salesman too.
Never wear brown suits. Yes I know, some people think they look good in them, and the cut may very well suit them. You still look like a giant turd. Don't do it.
Never wear a tuxedo that is anything other than black. Blue, Pink, Green (yes, I seen green) or any other color in the rainbow is completely unacceptable, and people will think you just got off a boat from somewhere else... you know, kmartland. It's okay to wear white with your black pants, as long as it's after 6pm, and your on a boat. Never give in on this, and refuse all wedding invitations that attempt to make you aquience.
Lastly, and most importantly. If you really like yourself, you'll never put anything on your feet but silk and Italian leather... it costs more, but it's worth it.
and forgive my terrible spelling.
Oh, and always dress the best you can. Doesn't matter if you've only a pot to pee in, that doesn't mean the person staring at you needs to know that.
What about socks and sandals? What are men thinking? Or Birks and sandals in the winter? It's the biggest no-no of all. The hippies in my area commit this fashion sin all the time.
But I don't think they "tuck".
How about those guys who wear the same shirt all the time, and have nippy-cheddar armpits? Is that some kind of a fucking revolution?
Oh, and JC, it's tempting but my eight-year-old knows more about software than I do, so you'd have little use for me.
I'll send him to you after he finishes university.
Socks and sandals? If you do this please kill yourself. No one needs to look at that miserable mess-- ever.
JC is right though. Black socks are the only socks you should wear ever with anything in any serious setting. He is also right about looking the part: Whether you are playing the weekend drunk-at-brunch rebel, or the slick metro-sexual upward and onwardly gifted.
I prefer no socks, sleeves or gitch when I'm not in my sexually-charged power uniform. Of course, winter presents challenges.
JC: recruiting in T.O. eh? Hmmmm. Are you just looking for IT plebes or someone more powerful and monetarily blessed?
Leather:" Around here (as of today) we call those same shirt guys nippy and tucked.
I can get shitfaced drunk in a black suit with a pink striped tie and look damn fabulous -- not an oppressed bone in my body.
But seriously, my thought is that I wear such outstandingly stylish ties that one couldn't possibly think I'm a slave to the man.
Yeah! What kind of jobs does Joe C have out here in Toronto?? Never know how the fall is going to pan out.
Diku: You are a slave to men in general. And I'm not going to touch the "not an oppressed bone in my body" comment...
I'm looking for sales.
Details:
Regional Account Manager wanted
Wiz-Tec Computing Technologies Inc., a National leader in Gas Retail and POS based systems, currently requires an aggressive, diligent, and focused individual for it’s expanding sales force within the Ontario region. The Account Managers responsibilities will include:
1) Identifying new markets and potential new customers.
2) Sustaining existing customers within the existing territory assigned.
3) Working with the VP of Operations and Corp. Dev. to secure opportunities.
The preferred candidates will have the following attributes and qualities:
1) Be a self-starter, capable of managing ones own time and efforts
2) Good hand-writing skills (Test required)
3) Working knowledge of Computers and typical software (MS Word, Excel, Outlook… Test required)
4) Well groomed.
5) Must be articulate, and capable of doing presentations. English grammar must be excellent.
6) Willing to travel
7) Licensed and Bondable (Drivers Abstract required)
8) Familiarity with POS systems an asset, but not essential
A Bachelor of Science in Information and Computing Technologies or the equivalent in work experience would be helpful.
In return, Wiz-Tec offers an attractive remuneration program for the right individual, including:
1) Competitive Base Salary
2) Industry leading Commission Structure
3) Full Medical and Dental after 3 months.
4) Car Allowance
5) Cellular and Data allowance (Laptop and sales documentation supplied)
Interested Candidates should email their contact details with resume in Word™ format to Wiz-Tec at wcmacdonell@wiz-tec.com. No fax’s or drop-ins, thank-you. All candidates who are to be interviewed will be contacted directly by telephone. If you do not receive a phone call we thank-you ahead of time for submitting your resume.
I'm looking for Jan. 15th, 2007. Base pay is 36K, plus 5% of everything sold, plus benefits, plus car and essentials. We cover all travel exp. plus kilometers traveled.
It's entry level, but a decent sales guy will earn around 75K to 105K per annum.
Not Gerard Kennedy:
You know how I know you really aren't him? Because your sentences were short and clear and I did not fall asleep in my own drool reading them.
I never wear socks with my sandals.
Although I've been chastised on more than one occasion for not wearing socks under my dress shoes... the secret is the Italian leather... you don't sweat.
That and blowing cigar smoke in the face of the person commenting. They can't smell anything after that.
JC- hmmmm, maybe you'll get a hit or two from that comment...you never know.
My wife, who is a very successful (if I do say so) account manager, says that's a good entry level income.
Good luck!
Well... you can't get anyone in Calgary, so you've got to be somewhat aggressive. I can't pay one guy x and another y, so Ontario gets the same.
My ideal candidate would be around 27 to 32 years old, plays golf, and likes whiskey.
Most importantly though, they have to know when to shut the fuck up, and let the customer speak.
JC- Exactly. I've met quite a few geeky Herb Tarlecks (including some VPs) over the years who try way too hard to look like big-time players in front of customers. They just come off looking like assholes. I have no time or patience for those people.
JC, I'm a top-notch sales guy, but I'm sick of working for others. Just turned down an offer from a top firm in my business...I seem to have a reputation as a rebel with a loyal client base. (I suspect they're just after my fucking client base, but I digress.)
Plus I'm too old for your ideal candidate. However, I may do a drop by anyway. Just to sample your weed.
Yep... I'm big on letting the product do the selling. I'd like to think that ones product and services should be strong enough to overcome resistance.
Luckily we at Wiz-Tec pride ourselves on discovering how to break our products first... before the customers do. That way when they phone to bitch we've got the cure ready to rock, if it wasn't already fixed prior to release.
98% of our support is over the phone. In six years, I've seen only 2 complete failures... not bad.
The principle, and my partner, is sort of nuts (even for a code-cutter), and never accepts failure. He just pitchs everything in the garbage and starts from scratch. No sense trying to straighten a flaw when you can just start fresh.
Luckily for me, I'm the only round-eye in the office, so the rest of the team gives me slack for being a decadent, lazy, self-indulgent product of Western indoctrination... I love the Chinese.
Drive by puffing.
JC- sounds like a sweet deal, you sockless wonder.
Re: "In six years, I've seen only 2 complete failures" Apparently, you don't utilize public transit often.
Pam- was that a jab or an endorsement?
Please do Leather, I am trying to build up TO and environs... never know when I need a manager.
There's nothing wrong with being independent minded. You just have to know when not to fuck with your boss. I've always been one of those who never played well with others too.
If I had a buck for everytime I was black balled... well, I could buy a beer anyways, but you get the idea.
I like people who think out of the box, as long as they don't twist anything or misrepresent anything I'm doing.
My best salesperson was a gentle young lass who was as deaf as a brick. She truly kicked ass in the sales arena.
She used to turn her hearing aid off in presentations, and when someone objected, she just kept barrelling along. Didn't matter how many times they said no, she'd just ask for the order again.
My background is telecom, and we always used to bring leggy blondes into the boardroom, just to distract the customer. Used to laugh my ass off watching the old farts drool over some 20 something leggy blonde, who actually had more education than they.
Oh well... ethics in business and all that.
JC, you're a larf and a half. I'm actually very respectful of people, and I understand the need for hierarchy and procedure....only when it works. The last place I worked gave me shit support, and when I complained the boss gave me empty pep-talks and lip service. That really pisses me off. I respect people who say "dude, we fucked up big-time. How do we make this right." Those are the only people I can work for. That's why my clients trust me..I don't fuck up often, but when I do, I admit it and make it right. Even at a personal loss.
Deflecting, dancing, and blaming others gets you an instant ticket to my shit-list.
I'm not anti-corporate, just anti-stupid.
Amen to that, mighty K. But the leggy blonde will lose you the deal just as quickly if there are frumpy women in the boardroom.
Then I'm sure you'll be successful Leather... if everyone took responsibility, the world would be a better place.
I hate to admit when I'm wrong... so generally I don't, but still, when there's a problem, someone has to stand up and be accountable.
Since I'm the only one who speaks fluent english in my company, it's generally me taking the bullet. Thats okay though, as long as the customer is taken care of.
There's no such thing as a problem, merely a solution that needs some adjustment.
Yes JC- but without guan xi, a Chinese company is nothing!!!
Leather- Hey, don't forget that some people make an honest living by deflecting and blaming. Some readers here may have their feelings hurt by your comments...
right you are k-man, good luck trying to pin anything on me, i've got my head so far up the big guys butt i'm helping him breathe.
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