Tie Your Brother Down

Recently, Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty quipped to reporters that he was encouraging staff in his office to shun the neck tie in times of extreme heat, as a means of conserving energy (i.e. no tie = higher air con temps). I wholeheartedly applauded that sentiment. In fact, I have not worn a tie in years and will never again do so. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Neck ties are the mark of a subservient, beaten down man. If you wear one, you might as well etch "bitch" across your forehead with a letter opener. They are the albatross of the common man, meant to restrict movement and blood flow. The constant tugging and threat of asphyxiation are there to remind you that you are an owned commodity. In short, the tie holds a brother down.

That brings me to another point. Without the fashion restrictions of being forced to wear collared shirts that are appropriate for tie-bondage a man is free to experiment. For instance, why tuck ever again? There is no tuck needed without a tie. You can carelessly flaunt your great looking, chest enhancing clubby short-sleeved shirt and sleek-lined casual dress pants without the humiliation of the ridiculously egregious clown-like look that comes with a short-sleeved dress shirt/neck tie ensemble. Hey, you might want to even let a scrap of tattoo peek out from under your new found, travel-light office gear.

When I first started my employ in the ivory corridors of power, a stiff, man-like cave-woman of a manager with the apparent fashion sense of a lesbian mechanic once told me "You don't have to wear a suit and tie everday here. But if you don't, it will affect your career". Well, in a way, she was correct. Once I shed the dummy suit, I instantly was catapulted into more successful jobs. I spent more time at work counting my money and fending off the endless stream of horny secretaries than actually working. I was even granted unlimited use of the company jet.

For me at least, the key was to be more like myself and less like everyone else. I think powerful people recognize and respect that ability. To those who don't: I say suck my ass.

Message for the week: Rock hard and ride free, my sexy little chipotles!