Man, Dogs Dead

This week, just outside of Calgary, police discovered a woman living in a house with the corpse of a man and 15 dead dogs. Locals say the dead man may be prospector Yukon Cornelius, 58, of no fixed address, who has been missing since the 2006 spring thaw. Authorities believe that due to a severe shortage of wild berries and game meat this past winter, Cornelius may have attempted to break in to the home of the woman to find food for himself and his sled dogs.

Cornelius is a former children's cartoon star, best known for his work in the 60s clay-mation feature Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The Abominable Snow Man (aka Bumble), one of Cornelius' dearest Hollywood-era friends, passed away 2 years ago in a rehab clinic in Anchorage, due to advanced cirrhosis of the liver.

In a related story, K-Dough, famed blogging loud-mouthed know-it-all, has denied that he is obsessed with death and dying as of late. "Look, people die. All the time. I don't kill them, I just write about 'em. I'm not God for fuck's sake!" said Mr. Dough. Critics have decried the blogger's reference to death as a sick attempt to attract attention. It is rumoured amongst pundits that K-Dough soon may begin to discuss cheap sexual topics to distract detractors from his dark necro-obsession.