The Buble Tube
Is it just me, or does Michael Buble - that human piece of moistened wonder bread dressed in a shiny spandex suit- really suck mule ass? His voice has all the soul of a 48 year old Sunday School music teacher, who, if asked, would probably say, "my passion for accountancy sometimes cuts into the life-affirming time that inspirational music offers my spirit, but I persevere, because I just adore singing for the children". I thought I was watching Barry friggin' Manilow performing the other night when I switched on the Junos for a few seconds, before throwing up in my mouth and frantically clicking buttons on the converter, as if it were a Gravol drip.Who, on God's green earth - or Satan's fiery orange carpet for that matter- listens to this processed cheesy kife? What is this, the 1950s? They call it crooner music. But who the hell knows why, since the only thing it has in common with the likes of Pat Boone or Dean Martin is its neatly-pressed white cardigan suicide-inspiring vast lameness! Crooner music? Nuh uh- it's fucking cringer music to me. Give me hard core or give me a humiliating diaper change from a giant hairy wrestler in front of thousands. Just my opinion...
posted by K-Dough at 7:39 AM
44 Comments:
I'll give you Courtney Love and see how you like that!
K-Dough,
Who listens to him? My 70 yr old mom, that's who. She went to see him in concert, even. That makes ME throw up a little. Ick.
Now, 'fess up. You watched the Junos, didn't you???? Let's see a show of hands...who thinks K-dough watched the entire show???
Pam,
K-dough has a rock solid alibi that proves he was not watching the Junos: he was stripping at Remington's. I know, I saw it.
K-dough CLAIMS, when pressed, to be doing this "just to put myself through college", but the truth is, he graduated from university years ago! I think he secretly enjoys it.
Anyhow, that is why K-dough could not have watched the Junos.
Then again, he could have TAPED the Junos and watched them later!
I think you got it exactly right, K-Dough. I have a difficult time just saying his wretched name, Bubble. What the hell kind of name is that?
But it is your own fault for ignoring your own post on the Junos. Next thing, you'll be complaining about Xian Gomeshi's National Playlist.
Homo- Ok- it's true- and I have the G-string burns to prove it! Your tips were pretty sparse though- you saw my stretch marks didn't you?
And in answer to Pam's allegation- I categorically deny claims that I watched that horrid award show. I have Much better things to do THAN HAnG AROUND ON A CHANNEL WITH STUPID aWARDS PEOPLE WININNG AWARDS ALL DAY AND NIGHT. unilike you blogger people that stay on a blog and type and talk ABOOT HATING PEOPLE ON AWARDS SHOWS. I think ITS A DISGUSTING WoRLD WHER PEOPLE LIKE YOU ON A BLOG CAN MAKE BLOG COMMENTS ABOUT SOMEONE ELSES PERSONAL LIFE WITHoUT EVEN knowing the person and their personal ilfe or past or friends and parents or pets. AND i AM NOT COMING BACK HERe ONLY TO TELL YOU WHaT i TOLD YOU BEFORE because I don;t need yuou or anybody else who is hating peole who hate awards shows telling me O hate shows cuz I do, but you don;t know that..
Pets. K-dough, you bastard, I just choked and spit coffee on my new white sweater.
that last post proves K-Dough manufactured the whole Ashley thing....
or mybe wE shood ALL starttypingIN the NU styl.
CHICKER CANOOK:
YES OF COURSE i CAN BELIEVE THAT YOU CANT BELIEVE i COULD EVER COME UP WITH THAT STUFF ON MY OWEN EH? i GUESS EVERYTHING IS JUST A BIG FRAUD TO YOU EH? lIKE mIKEL bUBBLIER, who YOU pROBALY HATE TOO, CUZ YOU HATE EVERYONE WHO IS NOT LIKE YOU RIGHT?
........ok- I can't do it anymore. It takes too much out of me.
New white sweater. Ahhhhh.
Just got home for lunch. Interesting comments.
Pam,
It's even worse than that! He was dancing to Achy Breaky Heart. Ewwwwww!
K-dough, my tips were sparse because I am Scottish. Oh, and because you had stretch marks, yeah, and were dancing to Billy Ray Cyrus (I had to google his name just now, because unlike you K-dough, I am not a BRC fan).
I'm a BRC fan? Is that what I whispered in your ear to separate you from your hard-earned money, you wanna-be urban cow boy beyotch? Well, here is some news for you- you're just like all the rest to me - a walking wallet with a dick-shaped handle.
Next thing you know, you'll be accussing me of being a Buble fan.
Either way, when I'm ass dancing I'll tell ya exactly what you want to hear.
A girl's gotta make rent somehow.
the horrifying thing is - my mom thinks he's dreamy and that his albums are the best thing since rod stewart decided to viciously brutalize old standards for his "american songbook"(s - why couldn't he have stopped at 1?)... they should both be put out of our misery...
Jez- that Rod Stewart shite was pedestrian and lame. yuck! he hacked up old standards that used to be beautiful, but are now tainted forever by his blandness.
It's as plastic and souless as Madonna doing Evita or Sir Elton singing the delta blues.
Yuck yuck yuck. All this high-fibre pop crap gives me an innie.
Okay, I admit it. I really like Michael Bublé and have been considering buying one of his CDs for quite some time -- and not just because he's really hot! Although he has put on a little extra weight lately. Thank goodness he still looks good from the proper camera angle.
Next thing you guys will be criticizing Il Divo!!!!
diku- Yes, but you think Celine is the coolest chick singer since Debbie Gibson!
K dough's so right about this!!!
Bublé is a spoonful of pablum dreamt up by corporate vampires to get people to buy a slice of nostalgia that never was.
People seem to forget was that Sinatra was in the mob and Dean Martin was a wife-beating drunk who would have made Andy Capp proud.
Bublé isn't a Rat Packer, he's a Bratz Packer.
Ahhhh.. didn't Harry Connick Jr. already revive the "crooner" thing many years ago? Except he had real talent, being a slam-dunk Jazz pianist with some real credentials? And then he got more jazzy, started acting in movies, and lost his credibility a bit, but nobody cared because we were all sick of the crooner thing by then, and besides, Tony Bennett is still around and is as good as ever? (Point being, I guess, who gives a fuck about Michael Buble...it's not even an original approach.)
Here's my real problem. Brian Adams getting some kind of life time achievement deal. Think about that. Brian Adams. What has he contributed to rock? Is there a definitive Brian Adams album? Did he break any ground? Did he try anything different, or swim against the tide, or even write something that was revealing and close to his heart, etc.? All he did was write one bland, simple, generic pop-rock song after another, with lyrics mostly about "comin' after you babe'" or "comin home to you babe" or some variation on "comin', goin', gettin' partyin', leavin', lovin' or sometimes..."diggin' on you babe..
A slightly cleaned up and blanded out BTO.
This guy gets put in the same category as Joni Mitchell, Neil young, etc. Lifetime achievement.
Fuck, why don't we give Alfie Zappacosta a lifetime achievement Juno too...that Pizza Nova jingle is a Canadian classic.
Chris- thanks for the support- but christ, when you said packer I got a little worried that you were headed in the confectionary direction and then we'd be revisited by the Ghost of Stupid Past.
leather- Zappacosta - ha!
I'd have to argue that Cuts Like A Knife and Reckless were definitive albums though.
BTW- I don't know how I could've gone without mentioning that horrific Matt Dusk guy as well. But at least he posseses comedy value... Michael "Human Yawn" Buble definitely takes the Kill me I'm Snoring Award though..
K-Dough,
Don't want to offend any Brian Adams fans...he's a hard worker and a good guy, but we used to refer to his records as "A&R records". You know, those slimy fuckin' A&R guys at record companies who are always telling good young bands that they're "almost there" or "very close to being right" and everybody knows they don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about.
You'd hear a Brian Adams, or a Richard Marx , or a Kenny Loggins song and think "ahh...that's what they're looking for".
A&R albums.
I gotcha- but never forget- you can't spell STAR without A & R.
lol
Well, *some* POPEL tht we no can.
Pm: tht ws vey comicl!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's McIscc-spek!!!!!!!!
leatherhands,
I think "Everything I do, I do it for you" is ground-breaking, revolutionary, inspiriing, heaven-sent. Think about the following lyric:
there's no love, like your love -
uhh, okay, I can't remember the rest but even that line is just, wow! could we say, Yeats-like.
To be sure, it's no:
Gimme an R!
O!
C!
K!
Whatcha got?
And whatcha gonna do?
BTW- how you feeling (Up)Chucker?
Brian Adam's Heaven was the first song at my wedding. I hate to admit it. It wasn't my first choice, but whatever I'd picked was deemed to "sexual" by my Buble-loving mother, so Brian was the default song.
Just a random thought.
K-Dough,
$70 for god-damned antibiotics! but they friggin' work fast. take that pneumonia! now, back to my pack of Winstons.
Pam,
the first song at my wedding was "Neutron Dance" - but my wedding was a theme one: shoulder pads was the theme.
I love your wedding stories, but I'll sit back and enjoy without contributing. I have too many to pick from.
My wedding was in downtown Toronto at a restaurant on the 53rd floor of a tower building, with a live disco band in afros and tons of Belgian beer...
My first song was No Class by Motorhead!
Not exactly your traditional affair.
Chucker: Winstons and pneumonia don't mix dude!
The priest that married us lost his collar shortly after our wedding in a scandal that involved altar boys and was quietly resolved after he threatened to spill confessional secrets.
Do you think this means my marriage is nul and void? Because if it is, I'm not making supper tonight.
Well, I am glad that contributors to this blog have recognized the evil influence of two of the three members of the Evil Triumvirate.
Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart are absolutely terrible. I can't stand their music -- it makes my skin crawl even more than K-dough's stretch marks.
The other one, whom no one has yet identified, is none other than Phil Collins.
It's almost unbelievable too, but I cannot walk into a cafe, restaurant or shop anywhere in the world it seems and not hear one of the evil triumvirate within the hour, usually within the first 10 minutes, of my arrival.
Try it sometime. Go to a restaurant at lunch that has the radio on, and pay attention to the music. I can almost guarantee that within a few minutes you'll hear some inane song, like Sussudio, Straight from the Heart, or I'm in the Mood for Love.
I think I'm being punished for being a very bad person in a past life.
It's horrible.
Homosuperior - you've crossed a line. That's too much. Phil Collins is a global treasure and the UN should recognize him as such.
How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave?
I'm crying and I haven't even started swaying and stomping my left foot to his breezy rhythms.
If only he were on another planet by himself!
No, make that, along with Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart.
Phil, Bryan and Rod - all for one?
oh shit, that was Bryan, Rod and Sting....
Can we send Sting there too? Or is he still "cool" cause of Roxanne?
Buble was discovered by Brian Mulroney. 'Nuff said.
Phil Collins blows mules.
Habs are tied with Boston 2-2 after the second.
I am sleepy and full of wine.
My daughter is weaned and finally sleeping on her own without being in a boob narcosis!
Yay!
Ok- sorry- now it's 3-3
4-3 Habs
I prefer Bubbles to Buble.
I prefer Bubble to either Bubbles or Buble.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/abfab/family_tree/bubble.shtml
Havril always looks so stressed out in pictures. Poor guy. I think he needs a vacation. Maybe you should give up the tranquility if the East Coast for some Big City Nights in the T Dot?
Hav- I'd be happy to show you around man. College Street, Queen West, the Rainbow Village. It'll be a blast dude. We've already made up the spare room- you just let us know.
Phil is one of the greatest fusion drummers who ever lived. He does some stuff on early Genesis and Brand X's Moroccan Roll that is knee-weakening in it's brilliance. He also developed the "gated reverb" drum sound that dominated the eighties..the first recording of this is his drum track on Peter Gabriel's "Intruder", then perfected with the big drum fill on In The Air Tonight.
However, most of his subsequent solo hit stuff is fair game for dart throwing. I can't defend it.
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