Top 10 Reasons You Love Me

1. I am the walrus- koo koo ka choo.
2. Inches baby, inches.
3. I am the divine reincarnation of Siddhartha.
4. Pity: Pure and simple.
5. Tattoos, legs of steel and an ass that just won't quit. And because I pay you.
6. Because I can drink your multiple amputee mother-in-law under the table. Wait- she usually is under the table to begin with. Nevermind.
7. Iconoclastic, Bombastic, Scholastic and Sexually Spastic.
8. Because you have a clinical mental illness that distorts your ability to make rational judgements.
9. They call me the Iguana...
   
10. 40 million K-Dough Fans Can't Be Wrong!

Psst- Happy F Day sex kittens: I'm giddy cuz it's adding-to-the-tattoo-collection day today! Pain for pain. Mmmm. Wish me luck.

Inkless Hells

I realize I'm a little late to the oiled up all-boy cell party on this one but it begged frothing comment. The Harpies are shutting down a pilot project that provided safe tattooing for inmates at 6 in-prison ink parlours. Any fool knows that needles and bloody procedures performed on the dermis can spread many conditions and/or diseases, the most deadly of which are AIDS and Hepatitis.

Harpie and his band of blue balled moralistic monkeys would rather sacrifice lives for a few political points with a handful of fearful Sunday School teachers in Alberta who think tattoos are the mark of Satan, but think it's mucho excellente to give a truck load of guns to a bunch of scared kids in a hostile foreign land to kill other scared kids. But hey, that's better than "spend(ing) taxpayers' money on providing tattoos for convicted criminals," says pasty white toast laughing-Stock-well Day.

This is one instance where the pen may indeed be deadlier than sword. Thousand of dirty cons (not the neo type) will be reverting to the age old technique of using unsterilized, rusty safety pins taped to old chewed-up pen shafts with black ink to practice their in-the-joint art. Yes, in the joint; where incidentally a lot of joints end up in, if you catch my drift.

Of course, once their sentences are served, many of those human graffiti walls will move back out into society to spread AIDS and other communicable diseases to their unsuspecting girlfriends and victims. Yeah, and that won't cost us hardworking taxpayers anything, right?

Anti-Social Justice

Today, I'm highlighting an example of vigilanteeism that receives the K-Dough Good Cell Keeping Stamp of Approval. Some moralistic inmates decided that child murderer Anthony Ray Stockelman (read HERE) should be scarred for life- on the forehead -- with a crude, yet potent, reminder to all of his egregious misdeeds. Inmates held the bastard down and tattooed the word's Katie's Revenge - in reference to the 10 year old girl he molested and brutally killed- clear across his cro-magnon hollow gourd (you can see a pic of the tat taken by prison authorities on a blog called Lost in Lima Ohio HERE.)

In Japan, during the Tokugawa regime, criminals were regularly tattooed to distinguish them from the general population. There was no going back from your big mistake; no hiding in anonymity; no chance of a feel-good, big hug reintegration into society. (The only downside was that the practice lowered the status of tattooing in the country and the higher culture art form that eventually developed never recovered from having taboo and dark connotations. )

Anyway, my thought: If you kill a child and it's proven beyond doubt (i.e. via DNA) you get a free huge fucking face tattoo like Anthony Ray Stockelman on the state's dime. I'm willing to bet somewhere, some arteest is firing up a tattoo gun for the guy who killed Holly Jones as I type...

Ahh, revenge. It can, indeed, be sweet when perpetrated on a piece of human trash.