Early Montreal Treasures Recovered

Archaeologists have found the remains of the earliest known buildings in Montreal. The 1642 settlement contained many fascinating relects, which show some indication of what life in the cradle of Montreal civilization might have been like back then. K-Dough has obtained exclusive access to the archivist's list by greasing palms and other body parts. Here is just a sampling of what they found in the dig:

• A jewelled, deerskin thong, with the name "Bambi Bouchard" stitched into the fabric, and a branded ensignia reading "Club Super Voyageur" on the front.
• A crate of petrified bagels, which pre-date the earliest known Jewish immigrants to the area by over 100 years.
• A crudely fashioned hockey puck made from what lab tests have confirmed to be kiln-fired moose shit.
• An emaciated, stuffed beaver, mounted on what appears to be a stage, roughly hewn from birch, with the curious name-plate "Celine".
• A well preserved large "C" encompassing a smaller "H", made from fried potatoes, held together by stringy melted cheese.