Black and White Stripes for Conrad
A K-Dough Exclusive
Dateline: CHICAGO, July 11 (with files from BS)
A verdict in the fraud trial of former evil media dark lord Conrad Black is expected to be delivered today. An insider close to the defence team for Black has told K-Dough that, should Black be found guilty, the team will ask for leniency due to the emergence of an until recently unknown health condition, sudden onset claustrophobia. The defence is referring to the tactic as "the Hilton card". While prosecutors say they will push for the maximum sentence of 5,000 years to be spent in an operating deficit, the defence is confident that its Hilton loophole will work.
Paris Hilton, the infamous socialite, amateur porn princess and small dog enthusiast, could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson said "Black? That is soooo not a colour Paris would ever wear to a sentencing. What? Who? Conrad Black? Oh. Well, I know she loves to blast that screamy song Back in Black when she is naked, driving her golf cart around the pool area and snorting blow off her midget's ass cheeks". It is rumoured that Barbara Amiel has already contacted Martha Stewart inquiring about her "fabulous" iron-file-in-the-cake recipe.
Dateline: CHICAGO, July 11 (with files from BS)
A verdict in the fraud trial of former evil media dark lord Conrad Black is expected to be delivered today. An insider close to the defence team for Black has told K-Dough that, should Black be found guilty, the team will ask for leniency due to the emergence of an until recently unknown health condition, sudden onset claustrophobia. The defence is referring to the tactic as "the Hilton card". While prosecutors say they will push for the maximum sentence of 5,000 years to be spent in an operating deficit, the defence is confident that its Hilton loophole will work.
Paris Hilton, the infamous socialite, amateur porn princess and small dog enthusiast, could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson said "Black? That is soooo not a colour Paris would ever wear to a sentencing. What? Who? Conrad Black? Oh. Well, I know she loves to blast that screamy song Back in Black when she is naked, driving her golf cart around the pool area and snorting blow off her midget's ass cheeks". It is rumoured that Barbara Amiel has already contacted Martha Stewart inquiring about her "fabulous" iron-file-in-the-cake recipe.
Labels: Celebs, Corporate Bullshit, Crime
posted by K-Dough at 9:21 AM
10 Comments:
black and white stripes? what, is conrad going 'vintage big house'? i suppose that's better then orange flammables....i just can't see him in christo-esque duds.
i'm sure white collar prison will seem like the slums to lord blackeye. 'hey conrad, don't drop the irish spring!'.
welcome back you silly-billy :D
Ha- "vintage big house"...well, you know, that's just the kind of classy robber baron good ole Blackie Lawless is.
I'll put $50,000 in untraceable Turkish lira that I have tucked away in an offshore account on a guilty of being out of touch with the common people verdict.
Failing my ability to retrieve that currency, I will buy you a brand new tetra pack of Hochtaler.
Tetra pack wine...LOL..You smooth talker.
I'm with you leather. Black's gonna walk.
Hochtaler!!!! Who remembers this?:
http://www.paulbuceta.com/journal/2003/03-March/20030328.html
Pam- smooth as a Baby Duck!!!
From the knee up, of course.
Pam- aren't you the clever minx!!!
I thought the Hilton Card was two teenage daughters, a black eye and a book deal.
Paris Hilton is out of jail. Whoop de fucking do. Go out and party.
It's now a National Holiday.
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