Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Blow the Man Down

I'm in a shitty mood today. So, all I can say to anyone who expected a post on Conservative attack ads, the finer points of whether Stephane Dion is low-key or not, the Truscott decision, Quebec by-elections or whatever: You can blow me.

That's right, I said "blow me". And I don't mean in a cute Japanese porn, delicate pursed-lotus mouth, showering-the-shaft-with-butterfly-kisses kinda way. Neither do I mean that I want you to blow me in a "I'm gonna do this for about 45 seconds just to make it look like I appreciate your member before I have intercourse with you as fast as I can to get it over with" kinda way. And I definitely don't want you to blow me like a shy tearful amateur, akwardly inflicting toothy damage and looking up at me with questioning fawn eyes.

What I mean is, I want you to blow me in a nasty, sloppy, drunk out of your mind, slobbering kind of way. You know, like you've been famished for days and just got your shakey hands on a street dog smothered in mayonnaise, as you gurgle the word "fuck" as loud as you can kinda way. I want you to really get your hands dirty and work it, in full-fisted tandem, like you are adjusting a greased-up telescope. I mean, I want you to blow me like you are an insatiable sword-swallower on Ecstasy in an Amsterdam sex circus with complete abandon and dedication to your meaty craft. Ok, look, just think 'jungle cat ravenously eating a stiff turkey neck' if that helps.

Hmm...did I say earlier I was in a shitty mood? Suddenly, it feels like the sun has shone on my soul. I feel much better now. Thanks for listening - you're a good friend.

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15 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god... it's no wonder that I adore you so!

Just don't start thinking that I'm about to kneel down in front of you, mister.
You just shut it... and so will I.
xoxo..

11:25 AM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

lol. You are one down to earth chick LC!!! I adore you too...

Eat a fat one!

11:37 AM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger Leatherhands said...

LOL x 23!!!
"I'm gonna do this for about 45 seconds just to make it look like I appreciate your member before I have intercourse with you as fast I can to get it over with"

Thank you for perfectly summing up my last wife. In fact, I'm gonna forward this to her, just so she understands beyond any doubt why she hasn't been able to keep a boyfriend for longer than a month since I was set free. Yup...set free after 12 years of sex with myself, just to "keep things together" for the kids. No wonder I was like a fucking barn dog on the loose.

12:16 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

Leather - too effing funny!

LC - any time baby !!!

12:22 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger Eugene said...

like you are an insatiable sword-swallower on Ecstasy in an Amsterdam sex circus with complete abandon and dedication to your meaty craft

That is a little too detailed to be made up.....

1:24 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

Eugene- there is a little autobiography in everything that I write dude.

1:26 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger Sheena said...

Oh great. And here I get food poisoning this weekend from eating fish tacos in Tallahassee.

2:57 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

Sheena- I'll get to that later in the week!

3:43 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger Sheena said...

You inspired me today:

Foodie Post for K-Dough

4:05 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger pam said...

Come on! What kind of girl talks with her mouth full?

8:01 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

Pammie- what kind? My favourite kind. That's what kind.

8:07 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger pam said...

It's just very bad manners, regardless of what is in your mouth.

8:11 PM, August 28, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

oh right - you said "talks" I meant moans in her throat...

8:38 PM, August 28, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously, this is the kind of post that can be reread and reread, and laughed at each and every dozens of times it's read.

I can't help it... you funny mofo. xo..

12:59 PM, August 29, 2007  
Blogger K-Dough said...

Thankfully LC, throught the magic of vast InterWeb and it's amazing ability to remember, you should be able to read this post until Armagaeddon - or until some Christian fundamentalist e-media group buys Google (which owns Blogspot) and purges all the sexy, anti-American/Satanic blogs.

1:18 PM, August 29, 2007  

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