Red Scare!
You know what? We are marginalizing ourselves as bloggers. Pretty soon, no one will listen to us - the Liberal-biased blogging community- because we don't know what the hell we are talking about. And it's all because, clearly, we are blinded by the red. We are all unknowingly controlled by a sub-conscious slave-like devotion to the Liberal Party.
I mean look at me- I'm pathetic. Even though I have never purchased a Liberal Party membership, my blood is red. Even though I have an autographed picture of Mike Harris on my home office wall, I secretly own a red Montreal Canadiens golf shirt. Even though I consider myself non-partisan and an equal opportunity insulter, I love the song Red by Treble Charger!
I am appealing to all of you bloggers out there in Blogonia, regardless of your political stripe, to stop this madness now! You may think you are a neo-con. You may think you are a green or orange supporter. But you are not. You are infected with the Liberal virus. It's pervasive, there is no known cure and it, like, fucks with your mind man.
Well, maybe a sexy, drunken night at an Alberta road house with Rona would ( wood?) help, but that ain't happening any time soon- is it now? It makes me turn red just thinking about it. There! I did it again! Help me!!!
I mean look at me- I'm pathetic. Even though I have never purchased a Liberal Party membership, my blood is red. Even though I have an autographed picture of Mike Harris on my home office wall, I secretly own a red Montreal Canadiens golf shirt. Even though I consider myself non-partisan and an equal opportunity insulter, I love the song Red by Treble Charger!
I am appealing to all of you bloggers out there in Blogonia, regardless of your political stripe, to stop this madness now! You may think you are a neo-con. You may think you are a green or orange supporter. But you are not. You are infected with the Liberal virus. It's pervasive, there is no known cure and it, like, fucks with your mind man.
Well, maybe a sexy, drunken night at an Alberta road house with Rona would ( wood?) help, but that ain't happening any time soon- is it now? It makes me turn red just thinking about it. There! I did it again! Help me!!!
Labels: Bloggers, Politics, Red Scared
posted by K-Dough at 7:16 AM
45 Comments:
K:
It's an unfortuate situation. Perhaps you should open your arms to a variety of materials.
- Turn on FOX.
- Pull out your trusty book by Ann Coulter ("How to Talk to a Liberal If You Must").
- Put up a picture of John Baird shaking hands with George W. Bush.
These are all effective.
I'd also suggest you read the Tory media reports from Parliament Hill, but they're kinda silent at the moment.
You can't stop thinking about red because Reds, I mean, Liberals, are just hotter than all the rest.
(Although, there are a few cute Dippers, if rather earnest and kind of nerdy in a bicycle-riding, glasses- and sweatervest-wearing sort of way.)
I have an admission.... I like... gasp... red wine.
"My God, Andy, I'm hooked!" (Art Carlson quote).
Out, out, damn (red) spot.
Hey- speaking of, I just dug up tht pic of Baird shaking hands with Bush- check it out!
Baird and Bush
gwgm: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!!!" -- Arthur Carlson
K: nice pic. I think you got Baird's jery-curl nicely.
And I like red wine and sweatervests so I cross the political spectrum.
Half my blood is blue.
Half your blood is blue.
You can ignore it. But its still there. (It just happens to be the oxygen-deprived half).
Being Martha's coffee boy, I'm clearly the first leper of the crowd. The example everyone shakes their head at, points to and says "there but for the grace of God..."
I should have seen the signs. The red love seat in the parlour. The Rickard's red on tap at Kelsey's, the copious amounts of red wine, the new preference for rare striploin, the red blood coming from the roids (well, it's more purplish...)
As they say in any decent twelve-step...the first step is acknowledging the problem.
Maybe I'll tell Martha, Goddess of politics, visionary for all Canadians and master of my domain..that I'm having second thoughts.
You're scaring me K-Dough...I'm really scared..
leather,
In Ottawa we've been "Reving up the Red" for the past few months for our hockey team. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps it's no coincidence that the Ottawa hockey team is red (good) and Toronto is blue (hiss boo bad).Subliminal messages?
Leather- that's a good sign though. Being scared keeps one alert. And by all indications, Harper and his communications staff have not lived a fearful moment since they were elected.
Holy shit...last night my eight-year-old spoke in a strange low raspy voice. It sounded something like: "redrum...redrum.." What could that mean?
I'd say you might want to hide the axes and other sharp implements. If he starts chanting in his sleep about Canadian unity and distinct societies, it's time to call the priest!
How ironic / topical.... the Nat'l Post has a story today on how everyone is turning 'blue', of late. "Canada finds its inner Conservative" ... only the press appears to be immune.
http://www.canada.com/nationalpost/news/issuesideas/story.html?id=9f257e57-9576-4540-a4ca-a54a88179b7a
gwgm- it's not irony - I'm psycho. I mean psychic.
leather,
I've got the same problem.
Last night, my little Frances said, "I see dead people", and she stared out the window in some catatonic state.
I said, "what was that?"
And she clarified, "I see RED people."
oh, okay. nothing to worry about.
you guys is the cwaziest people.
My wife says she dreams in red... is that a symptom?
So Chucker, if we are half blue blood, and that's the oxygen starved part, what happened to the red in the face stage for McCullum? He's mostly blue in the face now, but shouldn't we have seen the red in the face stage first?
Does this mean that Bill Graham, who always looks pasty white to me, is actually anarchistic, because if he's white in the face, wouldn't that mean he's neither red nor blue, and therefore somewhere on the fringe?
Perhaps Bill Graham is a spy for Bin Laden, who also has that strangely white pasty faced look about him... and since we know he's an anarchist, 1+1 must = 2.
But wait, I drank a half a bottle of scotch last night, and I was very red faced by the end of the hockey game... does that mean that I'm a coat of many colors???
I didn't see orange, but it might be there... oh god, I can't have any orange...
Whew... my wife says to quit being a goof, I'm orange because of the tan in a bottle solution.
Hey... that explains Jackie L. He thinks he's orange, but if he stopped using the tan juice, the way he gets all uppity, he's probably red underneath.
I don't know. It's Friday, I'm going to see if I can get red in the face again.
Joe- I just dropped acid and re-read your comment over and over. I couldn't stop- it was just so kaleidoscopic.
Check out the pic of Bill Graham on the intro page to the Liberal Canada site (Here).
He looks like a grandfather with Alzheimers looking into the distance of the parking lot at Wal-Mart, trying to find his car. Or, did he even drive there? How did he get there? Who am I talking about?
LOL!!! Or, he's determined to stay focused finding the washroom after shitting his pants at the wedding buffet.
leather- check your e-mail dude.
I've tried to stare at Graham, but I just can't get past the chin...
Here is something to help you understand why we see red in everything:
"The red energy, the slowest vibration of the rainbow energies.
Red is the grounding colour.It is what gives us our Vitality, and passion for being on the physical plane. It relates to survival issues and the life force.
When we are angry and frustrated we see red. It stands for power, our own, others and the power struggles that can sometimes ensue between the two.
This is the colour of being in the physical and the need for material
possession.
The power of red can be the power of emotion, finance, or power in
relationships.
Red is indicative of a strong willed person. It can relate to pain on the
physical or pain in the emotions that are so strong it is felt in the physical.
Red gives energy to excitement and with impatience it can cause frustration.
Following feelings of anger and frustration we can often feel depleted of energy.
If a person sacrifices oneself for others they may become physically
vulnerable. Red relates to the physical in all it’s aspects and often it can show that the person is not satisfied with the surrounding physical environment , or even their own physical body.
Red is the colour of blood, the heat of the temper, and also to inflamed physical conditions.
The Red energy relates to the base chakra. "
Clearly those are all the things not present in a Tory that is why they choose the colour blue.
Red is a pansy color.
Wow- I'm going to light some incense, and get further into my acid trip here. I think Joanne's cooment is about to cause me to peak....
Don't hog all the cid...
Now here is a little bit about Blue and it clearly explains why we don't see it as often as RED:
"Blue can be a cold, aloof colour, indicating feelings of loneliness and isolation, depression, claustrophobia. When we are feeling sad, we are said to be feeling blue.
Full of self doubt.
Rigid behaviour patterns and military careers. Problems with authority figures. "
Joe- it's also the colour of this rash I have on my nuts. At least I think that's a rash- wait - oh shit- it's Satan. No wait- it's turning in to something else....oh god, its Mothra with Pierre Trudeau's head on my nads!!!!!!!
Wait it's saying something to me...what? Pick up milk and bread? huh?
I think I'm peaking!!!!!!!!
Wow... I really feel the need to kill someone after having read that Joanne.
First spill me a hit K. Physcotic murder ramages are always better done stoned.
Joanne, Red is also the most representitive color of oppression in the last 100 years.
Wanna buy a sickle, how bout' a hammer?
It's all coming together for me now. I think the blue microdot acid I did years ago is the reason *I* have the same look on my face when I leave Walmart.
I don't have a problem with authority figures... Wait, I'm an authority figure... shit, I hate myself.
Oh no, now I remember. I decided upper management was better, cause then I could be cold and dishearting to all those peons below.
Whoohahah.
Purple blotter, red star, blue microdot it's all haze now.
But nothing matters anymore because I am a lobotomized member of the red brigade. A blogging zombie, consigned to selling the big red lie to the baby bird mouth-brains of the mass mouthbreathing plebes.
"Wow... I really feel the need to kill someone after having read that Joanne."
Joe, you wouldn't be at capitol complex in washington now would you? Reports say somebody heard gun fire.
K-Dough, march onwards you red soldier, march onwards.
Please....keep the sentences shorter. My hands are sweating and I'm puking in a little kleenex...
I thought it was just me.
Leather, since I have heard that you are a very good coffee boy give me some advice on how to make a good cup of coffee. I am at home today and since I don't know how to make a good cup of coffee, I think you should tell me how otherwise I will be cursed with the yucky coffee that I am able to make.
I'm not even going there Leather.
JC, I'm not going there either.
Joanne: Coffee is a multi-layered complex sort of deal. Machine, grind, bean, temperature...all are factors in an artiste's coffee. To assume that this could be conveyed in a simple one-size-fits-all e-mail is, well, typical of the "instant gratification" generation you represent. But I still love you.
And I love you Leather.
Very funny post, kdough.
Fascinating and nauseating to watch the neo cons turn up the cockiness volume, coupled with the hate on for any scapegoat they can find that they can paint with the liberal or progressive moniker.
They are on a roll, flying high, and somewhere on the inside they are scared shitless, in part because there's so much transparent spin and neo con obfuscation and deflection going on that the hangover that is coming is going to feel 10x worse than coming off that real or mythical brown acid that many were warned about many years ago.
The global neo con think tanks created the George Bush mess, and they are now attempting to do very similar things in the beloved land of the beaver with Stephen Harper as their mouthpiece.
The Harper trainwreck continues to gather more momentum.
George Bush's trainwreck is now happening in realtime.
And after this post we'll see a Harper Maniacal blather on about how bad the Liberals were.
You base this on what Matt??
Joanne,
Here's my recipe for making very good coffee:
1) Go on the Internet;
2) Purchase an airline ticket for Paris, or anywhere in Italy;
3) Board flight for destination corresponding to airline ticket;
4) After being strip-searched by a hot French/Italian border guard on arrival (if you're lucky!), head downtown and go to almost any cafe and ask for coffee.
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