Have I No Shame?

Hey kids! Today is Uncle K-Dough's birthday. In his modest K-way, he is inviting you all to shower him with well wishes and e-kisses for a coming year full of plentiful absurd thoughts, lots of sex, money, peace and joy. K-Dough also invites you to call him a self-centred ass for referring to himself in the third person- like he just did there. And again there. And again, coming up, just after this.

As a token of his affection, K-Dough would like to impart these precious words of wisdom to his flock on this auspicious day, which were transmitted to him via a very wise woman once: If you must drink excessively tonight, please wear an adult diaper and try not to smash your head on the coffee table again, ok? Because if you do, I will step on your throat until you choke to death in your sleep, you stupid jackass.