Burning in Helltario

I caught an Environment Canada weather dude on TV the other day responding to call-in questions about climate change and the reason why the country is currently experiencing a Bizarro December. Brollys are getting bent and shovels bowed in BC and AB, while Toronto and Ottawa are virtually baking in spring fever. As the calls rolled in, weather dude tried to explain to panicked shorts-wearing revelationists that the warmer weather is not signalling the fiery end of the world as we know it.

Listening to the questions it became apparent that public fear is palpable here right now. Ski hills in Ontario are already lamenting the effect no snow has had on operations. People are wondering if global warming has finally switched off the snow lever for good. Is Southern Ontario turning into the Hades that Westerners have always known lay under the thin surface of it's magma-encrusted reality?

Well, thank god for public servants. Mr. Enviro-Canada did a most excellent job explaining that what you see when you look outside is weather, not climate. l couldn't help but wonder, as I sipped a Margarita on my front porch in my bath robe this morning and listened to the song birds, if somewhere, off camera, Stockwell Day stood glaring at the man, holding cue cards as the federal messaging police trained laser-sighted rifles on weather dude's crotch as Rona slithered, writhed and danced behind him, all oiled up in a G-String in a taunting manner.

(Alright. I know what you are thinking: What does Rona have to do with the context of the vision? Absolutely nothing, apart from the fact that environment is her portfolio. I just like the Neo-kons Gone Wild aspect of the fantasy!) What was I saying?

Weather? Climate? I'm confused. Oh well, either way, it's damn good bike ridin' weather out here in Helltario!