Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Cyber Cheese Heads

I have a question for y'all. Is there anything more mundane; more indescribably boring; more utterly pedantic, anti-cool and drab than an online political fanatic? Just asking, because if there is I'd really like to know! There are so many human yawns out there providing partisan commentary (read: blathering) on political blogs now that they must be psycho-kinetically breeding with each other. Some of these dreary souls have absolutely no sense of humour or notions of context, nuance or two-way debate. And what is more, they fly into rage at the slightest provocation, about subjects that are so pedestrian and bland it boggles the mind they could motivate anything more than a limp shrug.

Chatting with these people is like trying to slit your wrist with a plastic spoon: It's too dull to kill you, but the longer it goes on the more it hurts and you end up praying for your death.

If anyone out there knows of anything - human, vegetable, animal or otherwise- that is as edgeless, beige, or numbingly lame please enlighten me! No...seriously. Oh yeah, and am I one of them?

Artwork: Joel Castillo

Monday, February 27, 2006

Greed Amongst Our Richest

So, Alberta is set to reap a $10 billion surplus. In light of Alberta's fiscal situation, it makes absolutely no sense to me why the province would have overwelmingly voted in support of a party that promised tax relief. Money for programs has to come from somewhere. If the feds cut taxes further, revenues will decline, programs will be cut and the provinces will be forced to make up the difference by increasing taxes. If this happens, just watch those billions melt away.
Bottom line: Alberta wants to pay less and hoarde more.

Then there is Ontario, another have province, which, regardless of its multi-billion deficit, continues to vote in support of parties who say they will not increase taxes. Ontario says it pays $23 billion more than it gets back from the feds -- the so-called fiscal gap.
Bottom line: Ontario says it pays enough and wants more back.

While these two provinces may say there are irreconcilable ideological differences between their aims, they share one thing: They are rich, but feel they are not rich enough. Our federalism is floundering folks. The very essence of the structure of our state is at risk of being rent asunder, in the name of greed and political aspiration. We've gotten where we are today as a nation by earnestly trying to reach judicious decisions that were regionally-sensitive -- not an easy job, but one well worth doing. The deepening divide between have and have not provinces is becoming an insurmountable chasm. Those at the top of the heap need to take the lead in re-strengthening our confederation, instead of fighting like hyenas over its carcass. The casualty of not doing so could be Canada itself.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Habs vs. Leafs For Olympic Gold

For all of you head-hanging Team Canada fans out there lamenting that we are not playing for Gold this morning, try to think of it this way: It's really the Leafs (Sweden's Matts Sundin, Toronto's captain) versus the Canadiens (Finland's Saku Koivu, Montreal's captain) in the Olympic final!

All I can say is: Go Habs!!!

Labels: ,

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Chairman Charest's Iron Fist

Yesterday, a very significant story that has been ignored by the English press in Canada, finally got mention in the Globe and Mail -- although it was buried on page 14. Jean Charest's government is politicizing the entire communications sector of Quebec's bureaucracy. The article says "as of April 1, more than 300 information officers from all ministries will be under the direct control of the Premier's office." In essence, Charest is forcing the people paid to communicate to you -- the public -- to become partisan.

To be sure, political offices are already intimately involved in how governments communicate, but this strips all public objectivity from the process. No longer will there be a check and balance between political spin and the real goods. This is how it's done in countries like China kids. It is a deadly blow in the cage fight between style and substance, and a real work boot to the nuts of our already doubled-over democracy.

U.S. State: Rape/Incest No Big Deal

Growing up in Canada, my friends and I had certain stereotypical views of what we thought were dangerous areas of the world. If you smoked a joint in Turkey you'd be excecuted; Russia was going to nuke us at any moment; and Japan was secretly buying real estate in the US to take over the world. While we always thought of the U.S. as our cooler neighbours, even though we knew they were militaristic bullies, we were never scared of them.

Nowadays though, the U.S. is becoming scary. The regressive Christian fundamentalist swing in some states would get the Taliban wet. My latest piece of travel advice for women: Don't go to South Dakota! If you are raped or a victim of incest, you will not be able to have an abortion. In fact, under no circumstances, save possibility of death, will you be able to have an abortion. The state is essentially saying 'we control women's bodies. If their minds are irreparably damaged as a consequence, fuck 'em'. And soon, if you happen to get an abortion out of state, you will be charged for practicing witchcraft and summarily burned at the stake.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

News Flash: Teens Ignorant

So, a new study says "Canadian teens know little about sexually transmitted infections and are participating in risky behaviour that could be hazardous to their health, an online survey of 14- to 17-year-olds has found." Eureka! Increasingly, the premises for what constitutes a newsworthy study are becoming pedestrian and obvious. The headline for this could have easily read Canadian Adults Completely Unaware Teens Naive, Horny.

I think I'm in the wrong business kids.
I really need to land me a few big fat consulting gigs that do studies like The Political Economy of TimBit Consumpton and its Correlation to Fat Asses or The Ouch Effect: Application of Live Electrical Wires to Testicles Causes Physical Pain in Human Males.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Monster Boy Repents

Well, twisted psycho monster boy, Paul Bernardo, is cleaning out his closet of more conscience-plaguing secrets and the media is acting as therapist. My question: Is it in the interest of the public that the media reports on this kind of shite? Is it in our interest as a society that the media gives a megaphone to a troll who should be locked away to rot forever without a peep or glimpse? We either need to flip the voltage switch on human lice like him or turn the page.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Canadian Girls Rock!

Now this makes me feel a whole hell of a lot better! Our girls just won the gold medal - again! They truly are an inspiration for females in sports--not only in Canada, but the world.

I don't know what's better, the fact that the Swedes now have a silver medal to build on -- proof that it's not just a two team sport-- or that the Americans are listening to Oh Canada, with bronzes around their necks.

Go Canada!

Labels: , ,

Canada is Hockey

Ok. I have no axe to grind to today. I'm axeless. I just want to talk a bit about my overwhelming anxiety due the poor performance of our Canadian men's hockey team. I know everyone right now is an arm-chair coach, with advice on what has gone wrong with game plans, morale, uniform and accessories choices, calorie intake, emotional states etc.. I have no advice to offer. I am just one proud Canadian boy, hoping in my heart that these guys pull through this awful mini-slump. Call it superficial, nationalistic or lunk-headed sports fanaticism. Call it what you will. But there is no better feeling than seeing our boys in red and white pummel other teams into oblivion.

I was in the stands in Hamilton in 1987 and gaped as Gretzky and Lemieux rushed the Russian end, in the final minutes of a nail-biting Canada Cup game, and scored that fan-fucking-tastic goal to win the game and the tournament. At that moment, as an arena of Canadians leapt to its feet in one massive surge of excitement and pride, I felt more Canadian than at any other time in my life. Ok, well maybe getting pissed on Parliament Hill on Canada Day comes a close second... Anyway, the point is that Canada must win or my abundant tears will flow until I wither, dehydrate and (shudder) am forced to drink a Bud Light in protest. Desperate times, desperate measures!

Labels: , ,

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sunday Morning Cartoons

So, apparently, for years, there has been a segment of the Canadian cartoonist community who's closet genre has been drawing religious caricatures that offend other cultures to illustrate broad principles of free speech. Of course, I'm talking about those baby hamsters of intellectualism -undergrad university students. And, apparently this muslim cartoon flap has just enraged the up-til-now silent community into activism, regardless of threats by certain fun-loving fundamentalist muslims, to drink the warm blood of every human who has ever eaten at a McDonalds. Needless to say, the key messages of the fundamentalist public relations campaign could use a little tweaking. Problem is, they're saddam full of religious zeal, they can't see the jokes for the trees. Errr, the chuckles for the q'uoran?

For you Canadian university students out there: Pick your battles sensibly. Fill in the gaps in free speech that need to be filled in. The Varsity's decision not to run the cartoon was judicious. Now smoke a joint and move on to another frivolous fringe cause that you have no personal stake in.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Harper Moving to Mud Hut

So. Stephen Harper wants to go to Afghanistan. Well, I for one, couldn't think of a better place to send him. My only question is "for how long?" I knew he supported the military. But I don't think anyone thought he was going to join the military. Especially after that hard fought election he just won. However, since going through the first couple of weeks being pumelled by the press and even his own caucus, it just makes sense.

Photo: The mud hut where Stephen Harper will
live with his host family in Afghanistan.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Don Cherry Elbows Canadian Women

Don Cherry is always the first ignorant loud mouth to say:
Why can't we be more like the Americans? Canadians are socialist wimps. Americans wouldn't disrespect their country.
Well Don, I'll tell you something else the Americans wouldn't do- tone down their athletic performance in a competitive sport for the sake of making it look like they weren't superior.
Neither would Austrian skiers. Neither would Kenyan runners. Neither would...well, you get the point.

So, which is it Don: Are we wimps or bullies? Keep your stick on the ice and your sound-bite seeking gooberish mug out of the Olympics, numb nuts.

Beer Actor's Rap Sheet

I don't want to condemn Mr. Angry Scottish Beer Commercial guy yet, because in our justice system you are initially presumed innocent, but I'll tell you what he is guilty of:
1. Numerous counts of annoying the hell out of me.
2. Uttering implausible scripts.
3. Impersonating Scott Thompson.

Photo: Alexander Keith was not a happy
man when he heard the news, or from the look of things, at all.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Harper Hunting Quail

So, the Tories, who said during the election that gun crime is a serious problem in Canada, are looking to scrap the gun registry- quickly. Say what you want about the program and the initial costing, but the money is spent and the registry is place. What about the cost in logic if it is now dismantled- all to satisfy a cheap political vendetta?

On Feb., 15, a CP story in the Toronto Star said "(t)he Conservatives have called the registry a waste of taxpayers money that targets duck hunters rather than criminals." Hmmm, and duck (or quail) hunters are supposed to be trusted with firearms? A Cheney by any other name... The auditor general has said he will re-visit the program. No decision should be made before the government receives the report, because THAT would be a stupid waste of taxpayers' money.

See ya, Sharia!

Mantaining balances in our multi-cultural society is not always easy. But in order for government and society to function smoothly there can be no legal exceptions that provide one group with certain privileges and deprive another of the same privileges. And so the prospect of allowing Sharia Law in Ontario to settle family law matters has been denied- thank god (or Allah, Mohammed or Buddha for that matter). Unfortunately, the Jewish community, who have used binding arbitration for years as a peaceful, judicious means of settling family disputes, will no longer to be able to do so.

While we still have a way to go towards equality of religion, ethnicity and culture in our society (a red herring that comes to mind is the existence of Catholic schools) this decision should be lauded, not only by women's and children's rights advocates, but by those who value the laws of our land. The institution of law is the most accurate reflection of what makes a society tick. Allowing the intrusion of such intolerant views into our legal system would have indeed been contrary to what the vast majority of Canadians value. It would have weakened the very fabric of our justice system. It would have been a grave mistake.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Court Ponders Child Support Equity

The Supreme Court is going to be taking a look at what is fair in terms of gearing spousal support to the payer's income. Hopefully, this will be a rigourous, balanced process, that provides fair rules for the good, responsible men in our country. Men, in general, for too long have been the target of sexist societal stereotypes spawned by the actions of deadbeat jackasses. Moreover, our society seems to presuppose that men get off easy when a union dissolves. Have we been institutionally ignoring the ability of men to feel pain and loss? Why should a spouse of any sex become financially decimated because a court punishes them for leaving their children or spouse? Why should a support recipient receive the same amount of money regardless of whether the payer takes an income cut?

This issue is not just about money, but teaching our children how they should deal with each other when they grow up. Children are entitled to parental love and care and the court needs to consider those principles foremost in the decison-making process. But it is equally important for adults to demonstrate to children that we can reach equitable, judicious decisions in the face of very stressful, emotional circumstances. The stress that the burden of inequity puts on individuals can further harm relationships that may already be tenuous at best. canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Hargrove Exiled to Centre Land

It seems today's NDP are even more ideologically schizophrenic now than they have been at anytime in the past. The image of Hargrove hugging Martin during the election will forever be burned in my memory banks, in the C:Comedy/confused folder.

However, I think Hargrove's exile from the NDP says alot about the state of trade unions in Canada, especially the CAW. They are no longer fringe workers, but rather well- (over?) paid workers with excellent benefits and consumer spending power. They are becoming much more of a conservative institution in our society, while the NDP are still clinging to old-world idealistic tenets about impoverished workers uniting. That's why they are losing part of their traditional constituency, as unions become richer and have more to lose by supporting minority political views. The NDP needs to do some serious soul searching in terms of their stance on many issues. During the election, pretty much all Layton did was recite top level, broad messaging about being there for working families and being "a different choice". There was hardly a fired, tested policy statement to be found anywhere in his dialogue.

Unfortunately, instead of using Hargrove's dissent as an opportunity to re-visit the ideological direction of the party, the decision to exile him will no doubt push their traditional supporters
further away from the dipper camp.canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Ipperwash Hot Seat

If you have a chance this week kids, check out university drop-out, mean-spirited retro-con, former Premier Mike Harris, as he is grilled like the McChicken he is, by scores of attorneys at the Ipperwash Inquiry. The inquiry is looking into the death of Ontario native protester Dudley George, gunned down in cold blood by police in 1995 for occupying a provincial park natives said contained sacred burial grounds- a claim that was later substantiated.

Tune in kids and watch Mr. Tough Guy try not to look like he's sweatin' bullets. Maybe Mr. Angry Man will be goaded into repeating his now famous slap stick tag line about getting those "fucking Indians" out of his park. His park. Like his park was some neo-con nirvana- a Jacksonesque (not Cam) Neverland for Tories, where not a squeegee kid, disabled single mother social assistance recipient or pinko tree-hugger were to be seen. A park where Archie Bunker-like rednecks in blue fatigues and ties with miniature genitalia could massacre all the tiny woodland animals they wanted with high calibre automatic laser-sited weaponry.

You can watch Mr. Common Sense Everyman squirm here online live. Don't forget the popcorn! Ya never know what hijinx this devil-may-care prankster willl pull out of his fun bag- he's a ton of laughs.
canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Defection: Democratic Dilemma?

The dippers were right on the money when they planked automatic by-elections to settle floor crossings. How can defection be justified in a democracy? I have no idea why the other parties did not support that in their democratic reform planks. Anyone have comments on why and whether the Libs/CPC have strategic reasons for not supporting it -other than the obvious recent acquisition for Harper? Anyone have a good argument for us to allow this kind of behaviour in Canada? Call me stupid, but don't call me unquestioning. All I'm hearing around the blogosphere today is the same old partisan blather. Same old my Dad is bigger than your Dad.

Our democracy is turning into a vast boil, and we need people of all stripes (including stand-up guys like Garth Turner) to lance it. We need more political iconoclasts and fewer ideological Herb Tarlecks.

canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Medium Is the Message

A fellow blogger recently criticized David Emerson for avoiding the media in the middle of this crisis. The guy said "Disrespect of the media is an abomination. They are there for the good of democracy and to increase transparency." I was shocked by his idealism. I think he was confusing the concept "media" with "freedom of speech". The "media" are working stiffs like us, that communications professionals try to tame, court, feed, seduce, avoid, play- well in general, live every waking hour trying to manipulate in some organizational form or another.

The very notion that the message must get out, even when there isn't one, is what has led us to the sorry state we are in democratically. Politicans are obsessed with talking, and the volume of talking they do, leads to spewing empty phrases even when they manage to stick to message. The media are the megaphone for the triumph of style over substance, hardly champions of democracy. Of course, I am generalizing when I say "media".

Ok- stay with me here. Marshall McLuhan once said "the medium is the message". His media were machines and means of communication - static technology. The "media" we are talking about are hardly static, predictable machines (though some may argue that point). Our media are dynamic, living, imperfect, stressed out, tempermental humans driven by emotions, thoughts and editorial constraints. But what McLuhan was getting at was that the important thing to consider when looking at the tools by which we communicate is the effect that those tools have on humans. Political messaging is merely the content of a medium, not the medium itself. Reporters themselves are not the "medium"- they are channels to a medium (i.e. print, TV, electronic media). While purveyors of political messaging have tried in vain to grow with the pace of instant, digital technology, they have been doomed to failure.

The very nature of messaging is that it is static- rooted in a moment in time. Digital technology is like a nervous system. Constantly changing and reacting, not proacting. That is why traditional ideas of fixed messages don't work well in the instantaneous world of the web- the two are incongruous. Politicians repeating their well-crafted, but often empty-sounding messages are dinosoaurs in the world of communications technology. That is why thinking on one's feet will once again become an essential skill in public life. It's too bad that the corporate communications infrastructure has doomed politicians - the primary sources for media content- to a bygone world. Emerson was avoiding the media because a) spin experts who 'knew better' could think of nothing crafty to say OR b) he had no confidence in his ability to think on his feet. It's a shame that communications has come to this, but it happens every day. canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Labels: , ,

TTC Reams Riders

The TTC screws us every single year at the same time. And if they don't, they threaten to until someone (the province) gives in and throws them a wad of rescue cash. When will this end? Last year, when they threatened to strike, I started riding my bike to work in downtown T.O. Never been happier and will never pay them for a ride again- well, in warm, sunny, happy times at least. One rider down with thousands to go. So, will the Harpies help deal with big cities and transit? Or will they simply shrug and say "not our jurisdiction"?

One thing is for sure, the ruling CPC will make for an easy target for provincial governments and cities who want to blame their own financial woes on a lack of federal support, especially in light of Harper's plank on fixing the gap. But this could easily turn into a fed-bashing publicity stalemate that could stall development and implementation of real, effective public policy for transit, the environment and urban sprawl. Unless, of course, Harper makes good on his promise to throw tons of cash at every province and wash his hands of the responsibliities of ruling the country. I, for one, ain't holding my breath kiddies. canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Deserters' Just Desserts?

Two American war dodgers who have been denied asylum in Canada are appealing. Although the Canadian government decided not to participate in violent action against Iraq because it felt that the evidence used to justify the invasion was insufficient or flawed, our immigration system is trying to bar entrance to those who feel the same way. The immigration board refused to consider whether or not the war was considered illegal by international justice standards. Aren't these exactly the kind of people we want here? I think so. canada politics k-dough canada political immigration war draft dodgers asylum

Hand Gun Ban in Ontario?

To all Northerners who feel that owning a hand gun is an inherent right: It is not. It is a privilege bestowed upon you by society. If society, as reflected through the lens of our legislative system, says that privilege is no longer useful or practical, then so be it. You can whine all the way to the taxidermists on that one, Right Whingers. Then again, if we ban hand guns, what are we going to use to shoot all those surplussed sterilized pit bulls with?canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Bloggers/Pundits Ignore Canada's Democratic Crisis

Why is no one talking about the state of our country right now? Why, when I visit blogs and read newspapers, are people constantly spinning circles of partisan shit and assassinating each other's characters like snotty-nosed playgound children? The frantic Conservative-fan panic going on because of Harper's Cabinet choices is similar to the way every October, Leaf fans are heard swearing their faces off on the subway saying "they'll never make the playoffs" after 2 or 3 losses. Capable Liberals who should be fighting to seize the reigns of their party's destiny are saying "oh, pooh. Public life is too much work. I think I'll play golf instead".Why? Why? Why?

Oh, oh! I know. This country has its fucking head up its ass. The problem that I see with our democracy right now is the way political parties - like the insatiable, dim-witted dark-eyed sharks that they are- exist only to hunt and then consume power. As soon as an election is over, election mode starts again. How the hell is any policy that has true conviction or critical value behind it ever supposed to be implemented when the attention of the ruling party is constantly dominated on concensus or polling? It's all about sales (read: communications). I believe style has finally completely triumphed over substance.

We are in the midst of a democratic crisis and the people who should have the most intelligent things to say are fighting like babies in sandboxes. Of course, while the rest of the country (40 odd percentage who couldn't get off their fat asses to vote) are completely ignorant.
canada, politics, k-dough, canada, political, liberal, conservative, Harper, Canada, politics, k-dough

Dear Mr. Harper: Love Isn't Easy

In today's Toronto Star, we have James Travers chastizing Stephen Harper for naming David Emerson and Michael Fortier to Cabinet posts. The article talks about the move as if all hope for integrity had already been lost in this minority CPC government, and says it has betrayed voters' shiny hopes of moving away from a dirty, corrupt Liberal regime. Hmmmm. Where was the Toronto Star during the last election? The piece comes across as a broken-hearted letter from a jilted lover. Why, oh why, Monsieur Harper, when I loved you and stood by you, did you do this to me? I don't even know you anymore.

You see, the Star has traditionally been a Liberal leaning paper. But I knew something was starting to go wonky a few years back when former evil Mike Harrisite Guy Giorno was given his own op-ed column, which he used as a mouthpiece for a flailing Eves government. Anyway, it remains to be seen where this trend is going. Hey, maybe the folks over the Star are thinkin' anti-establishment is the way to go now, in which case, I'm all for it! But for time being these 14 year old school girl editorial decisions are making me angry. I mean seriously folks, when intelligent people start feigning shock at politicians doing questionable things, don't you start to question their intelligence? Or at the very least, don't you question their motives? Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Monday, February 06, 2006

Cabbie's Death Sparks Compassion

So you know that cab driver, Tahir Khan, who was killed when he was unfortunate enough to get caught up in the middle of a teenage BMW race in an upscale Toronto neighbourhood? Well, it looks like politicians are going to support efforts to give him his citizenship post-humously and help his family immigrate here from Pakistan. Khan had jumped through all the immigration hoops and was days away from swearing into our country.

This is why I love this country. It's the best we can be. Yes, we do spend a whole lot of time navel-gazing in our cosy, insular, G-8 narcosis, well-fed with fat bellies and warm from the fire. Yes, some of the politicians involved may be motivated by other than altruistic impulses. Bottom line is, (and I learned this in Logic 101 kids), the do-gooder's motivation, whether it be selfish or selfless, doesn't diminish the value of a kind, humanitarian gesture. We need a hell of a lot more of this kind of Canadian love baby, and not just when it's as easy as shootin' fish in a barrel. Know what I'm sayin'?
Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Fists for Bullets

Apparently, the now infamous Boxing Day shooting on Yonge Street in Toronto was sparked by teens fighting over the fact that someone's hat had been knocked off. You know, I'm not unsympathetic with these poor, misunderstood gun-toting street urchins. Where I come from, we'd knife our buddies in the gut over things like being disappointed with the tuna sandwich our Moms packed in our lunches. We'd break knuckles punching strangers in the skull because they ran over our yoyo strings with their skateboards...

...but seriously. I know violence exists in every society and every demographic group. But what gene are these fucking teen monsters missing from their biological repetoire? How seriously stupid and cowardly do you have to be to do something so callous? My leaning? Simple. Eye for an eye baby. Put 'em in the slammer, lock the door and let 'em fight for their lives with only their fists, no matter what age they are.

It's ironic that the kind of blind rage these losers exhibit can inspire such precise ideas about retribution. In some way, they both amount to violence- killing and punishing. I can't rationalize the desire for revenge, but then, I'm not sure there is a rational solution. Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Financing and the Arts

According to the Toronto Star, recently elected Ontario MP Jim Flaherty - also a former Ontario finance minister- may or may not owe a whack of cash to the provincial Conservative party. Oops!!!!! The same Flaherty is expected to be named Canada's next FINANCE MINISTER on Monday. Look, I'm no econometrics expert, but shouldn't there be some kind of aptitude test for that job? I mean, I remember a guidance counsellor in high school telling me "K-Dough, you just aren't a numbers kind of guy. Your brain is hard-wired to think more artistically". Maybe, Jimbo has been mis-labelled for all these years. Maybe he should be in a more appropriate portfolio, like the Minstry of Re-Invigorating Arts and Culture in Canada? Iz all I'm sayin...Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Friday, February 03, 2006

Dear Ken Dryden: Hockey Needs You!

At first, I thought it was really cool. Ken Dryden. Hero to millions- me included- running for the federal Liberals. Then, he was named to a cabinet post. Still cool, but a little strange. Now, we hear whispers that he may run for the Liberal leadership. As a true bleu, blanc et rouge Habs fan, that just makes me feel fucking icky. Yes, he is a lawyer. Yes, he is instantly recognizable to most Canadians. Well, at least to those over say......ummmm....35? But what is one of the greatest netminders of all time and an icon of the most successful (debatable) sports dynasty doing in the nastiest of sports- politics?
Come back to hockey Kenny!
Ken, you need to come back to help les glorieux reorganize their faltering franchise. I know you must have become very disillusioned working for the dark side during those pointless, derelict, angst-ridden, life-sucking, what must have seemed like endless years. But please don't let that hapless, cupless miserable Leaf disease destroy your lust for life! Child care is nothing compared to the legacy you could leave if you refocussed your efforts.

Please Ken, for the love of poutine, listen to me dude! As leader of the oppositon ( and potentially the entire nation) you will undoubtedly be concerned with national unity. What better way to get Quebecers who are on the other side of the blue line back on side, than by coaching the boys from Mont Royale back into another 5 or 6 cups? Think about it big guy... Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Labels: , ,

Polite Canadians? Not in Toronto

Increasingly, the urban jungle is testing my chi. Anyone who thinks they are above being rude to others has never lived in Toronto. Never rode the TTC during rush hour. Never held an open door for someone and had them walk through completely ignoring them. Never tried to get on an elevator as the doors closed, while blank faces stared back at you as if you were completely invisible. Why do I feel rage when some tourist or subway newbie stands in the middle of the escalator, when clearly the rules are common knowledge: immobile lazy human yawns on the right, narcissistic speeding shoe drivers on the left?

Don't get me wrong: The pace, the adrenaline, the moving and shaking, the option of anonymity and the lifestyle in general are what I crave. The suburbs, with their rows of faceless, generic paper-walled subdivisions are not my style. I'd feel like a bug in a jar. The country? Nice to get away to. I'm stuck here, a willing captive of my metropolitan desire. Problem is - what do you do with the rage? How do you deal with the urge to sucker punch people who walk with their heads down? I can't be like Woody Allen, who once said something like "I don't get angry. I grow a tumour instead". Intellectually, I know aggression is not the answer. If that is true, then what is the answer?

Over the past 20 years, Toronto the quaint and polite has grown into Toronto the world class population-pressurized boiling-over-pot of human frustration. How do we cope with our new found New Yorkness? Is this progress kids? Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Let's Create the Perfect Franken-leader!!!!!

Ok kids, let's play the Mix 'n Match Dream Leader Game (tm):
I'll start:
Rex Murphy's brain
Rona Ambrose's body
Stephen Lewis' heart
and Belinda's handshake!

Ok- you go...Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto

Liberal Leadership Needs Glamour!

Ok- so potential candidates for the fed liberal leadership are dropping like flies. I think it's time to glitz the race up- make it sexy (unlike the effect that iron-jawed, sea-bass mugged Stronach would add. You know, sometimes it's hard to understand why political groupies think chicks like her are "sexy". Must be the slim girth of the competition! Rona Ambrose? I get it.....anyway, I digress....)

Here's my pitch. We need a showperson with some good ole bird flippin' charisma, intelligence and a SENSE OF FUCKING HUMOUR!!!

Sean Cullen has my vote. Well, him or Scott Thompson. NO wait Guy Lafleur- he'd be flying the flag up the pole again if ya know what I mean. Ummmm, how about that drag queen from T.O. that always runs for mayor, ummmmm ENZA SUPERMODEL. Ya baby. Every day would be like Pride Week in Canada... How better to continue our 'socially progressive' ascent into Bohemian oblivion? Ok Enza- she's my gal! Just think.... the first female, errrr, female-like PM ever (Kim Campbell was far more masculine).

Let's liven things up in this country fer chrissakes...
Canada, politics, k-dough, liberal, conservative, harper, Ontario, kdough, criticism, neo-con, commentary, communications, legislature, Chretien, election,policy, hand guns, Toronto